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[Fuzzy]

Hey...thanks for all of the advice guys. It's kind of hard to respond individually to what everyone says so I'll just do what I can here:

As far as diet and exercise goes, I may not be overly active, but I do eat very well. I'm not really a fish person, not because I don't like it, I just don't eat it a lot. Maybe I can add some fish to my diet as part of everything else I'm doing.

As far as the friends being there for me thing...it feels kind of selfish to say it, but I feel like only the friends who I really care a lot about are the ones who seem to turn on me in the end. I've lost 2 extremely close friends in the past week (friends I've had for years that I would die for) and I feel like it's my fault. I'm the one being paranoid and pushing them away, they aren't the ones hurting me. It's worse because it's not even like I've completely lost them, we're just not close anymore and I feel like I spend every day trying to fix what I did wrong and they don't even care. I know the first tendency is to tell me "then they were never good friends in the first place," but they were. I'm a very social person and I can't live without the support of my friends and I feel so trapped in my head right now. I was thinking maybe anxiety medication would prevent some of the little things I do that over time drive them away.

As far as getting a part time job/community service, I don't have a whole lot of time because I work really hard in school (Hundreds across the board in all AP classes and I don't get an ounce of joy out of it), but I just got a job at EB Games which should be at least a little distracting.

I'm sorry, there's so much you guys said for me to respond to and I have a lot of work tonight. It means something to me that you all have advice for me on the topic and I promise it's not being wasted.

Thank you.

[jabroniekilla]

I think that "baby steps" is definately safe for a lot of people and it works.  Sometimes it takes a dramatic jolt of lifestyle to change the way you live.  Maybe losing some really close friends can be motivating enough for you to cause change in your life.  The whole point of running or sports is to get you out of the "depressed" mind state.  If this doesn't work for you, then your mind is stronger then your body (this is good and bad).  You have the ability to control your emotions but your emotions are very strong as well and can consume your body eg. being depressed.  
I don't think medication is always the answer, but if you give yourself 30-60 days of medication to see if it helps, then I think that will be a positive step in the right direction.  If it works or doesnt work, at least you will know what to expect.  
Secondly, take the opportunity to analyze each situation when it comes.  When you are feeling anxious or nervous or depressed, think about why and who you are with, what you are doing, time of day, etc.  You could even go so far as to write this stuff down and keep track of your "progress".  I know it might sound dumb, but eventually your mind will automatically recognize certain situations as good or bad and your mind will be able to handle the outcome.  there is not going to be a fast fix or solution, but giving yourself the tools to control your emotions is what is important.  
I have often thought of seeing a shrink just for the experience of getting asked cool questions.  Think about it, this person is trained to ask questions that nobody else would ask, and then you can answer in any way you want.  This is a great opportuinity to talk about everything EXCEPT your depression.  This could lead to understanding what it actually comes from.  
I am sorry if this is just rambling, but I believe that the mid can control absolutely anything, including emotions.  
If you really want to learn to control your emotions, seriously, take up martial arts.  I took Tae Kwon Do for like 11 years and it is by far the best way to teach discipline and self control both physically and emotionally.  when my son is old enough (he is only 2 now) I am definately getting him in some form of martial arts, and learning how to kick and punch has nothing to do with it.
Good luck with whatever your life brings you and whatever you bring to your life.  Feel free to pm me if you need to vent or need opinions.  
"noone is immune to the trials and tribulations of life, ride this motherfucker till the wheels fall off."
my favorite quote from Martin Lawrence stand up special.  Write it down and read it everyday.
Take care.

[Fuzzy]

I really wish losing close friends was motivating enough to move on  

[Fuzzy]

Eh...self help videos and herbals...once again not really my thing. Thank you though, it's still something to look at.

[alemerson]

i have read all of your responces and others. and i even posted one. im confused about why all of these suggestions are not worth more than i thought. Im not trying to bash you but i think that maybe its time for us to try and help talk about what you think rather than just everyone chiming in with their 2 cents. We all want to help you (just look at all the 1000+ word responses from people you don't really even know) i guess we all feel part of this community and want to help someone who needs help. but i still think maybe what we've done is not the right approach. sooooo
heres what i want to know, and maybe this will be a start towards some progress



whats your gut instinct for the next step foward?

In an ideal world whats the best option for you. and possibly why do you think it might not work in your situation?

whats the most most important thing that you want to chance immediatly? (the more specific the better)

[Fuzzy]

Alright...yea I'm sorry to be so negative...I guess it's my nature


whats your gut instinct for the next step foward?

Right now I've just been hanging in there with my problems. I've been trying to stop paying attention to the things that are killing me, so now I might be quiet, and people may be relieved that I've shut up for once, but it's still hurting. I guess my gut instinct is to just try and go with the flow and see if I make it.


In an ideal world whats the best option for you. and possibly why do you think it might not work in your situation?

You mean if everything was perfect? Well if everything was perfect I would be able to fall back and rely on my friends instead of losing them. You know...the old fashioned good guy gets the girl, the friends, and the win in the end...Unfortunately how other people feel is for the most part out of my control...so really...I have no idea what my best option is.

whats the most most important thing that you want to chance immediatly? (the more specific the better)

I wish  I wasn't so afraid of change and loss. I want to stop feeling guilty about trying to forget about the pain of losing people who I thought I could rely on forever, but at the same time I long to somehow get them back. I guess what I'm saying is I want to stop contradicting myself and figure out if I should keep going back futilely to hold on to what I truly care about or try harder to give up even though it hurts. Yea...that's the most important thing...I think...

[CattyKid]

These friends, best friends, that you have recently lost... would you be comfortable in telling us WHY and HOW (specifically) you lost them?  If you are not, then that is fine... but the more we know the more we may be able to try and help.

[Fuzzy]

The relationships have been so long it's kind of hard to get into the details. One was this girl...we haven't known each other as long as some of my good friends, but we just happened to become incredibly close...but the past month or so I feel like she's been different. She says she hasn't changed, and sometimes I think she hasn't, but we grew apart. I wanted so badly to hold our relationship together but it just keeps drifting farther and farther apart. We had something close. The kind of friendship you put your life into...and it's gone...and I think it's my fault for just trying too hard...I miss it...

The other one...a friend I had for about 6 years, he's not really an emotional guy (and if you can't tell, I am.) I've always had trouble keeping him close and confiding in him because he just can't relate. As I drift farther from the girl mentioned before (and thus my friend group in general because we had one of those really tight-knit groups) I drift from him also. As their bond grows (I had always been better friends with her than he had been with her by a long shot), my bond with both of them diminishes.

I'm sorry I can't be more detailed...there's...there's so much  

[_iffy]

[disciplinary lecture]
Fuzzy, it's been a couple days since you posted this thread and got responses.

What have you done so far to start the process of fixing your life?

If "Nothing" is your answer, that's unacceptable. You have to put an honest effort forth if this challenge is going to be succesfull.

Anything else is good.
[/disciplinary lecture]


It's hard to block out the negative thoughts. Here's a mind set I had a couple years ago...

'problems need fixing so they need more attention than good things which are already good.'

This is a bad way of thinking. If your thinking like this, you need to stop now. You will never be able to see the good things if you keep it up.

Try to start looking at things and asking yourself "Is this a good thing or a bad thing" If you want keep a journal or note pad it's a good idea. Keep track of your answers and add them up at the end of the day. Give the day a total. Was this a good day or a bad day?

If it was a good day, look at what made it good, and see if you can duplicate it again the next day. Look at what made you happy. Even for a moment. Do those things again maybe.

If it was a bad day, look at why it was bad, and re-examine the good things. You might have missed a few when you wrote them down. When you see there was more bad than good, spend time and figure out good ways of avoiding the bad things. Also ask yourself, "in the grander sceme of things is this really a bad thing? Is it important?" You need to learn how to let things roll of your back. If it's not important don't worry about it.
If it is important, work on the problem. But never spend more time on a negative than a positive. You need help. You need attention. You need to heal. It's ok to spoil yourself, so long as it doesn't create more problems, ie:  eating pounds of chocolate, alcoholism, failing school because you play video games for 10 hours a day, etc.

(I am aware of the irony of the negative paragraph being longer than the positive paragraph.)


At the end of the week, add up your day totals. Was this a good week, or a bad week?



Take care Fuzzy.

[throwingks]

My dad has been a sales manager for 30 years. His favorite way to teach new employees about attitude is to ask them 2 seemingly simple questions.

1) What is a good attitude?

The easy answer: positive thoughts.

2) What is a bad attitude?

The easy answer: negative thoughts.

Right? Wrong!

The real answer is 1 negative thought. To have a good attitude takes many positive thoughts all the time. As soon as 1 single negative thought comes into your mind. Your positive attitude is gone.

Einstein says it takes 11 positive thoughts to negate 1 negative thought.

Personally, I try to strive for a neutral attitude, cause I hate people that are too chipper all the time. Besides it is easier than trying to be positive all the time. Even keel for me baby.

Edit: I guess _iffy didn't like the picture I made for him in post 16

[Fuzzy]

'problems need fixing so they need more attention than good things which are already good.'

Man, you really nailed how I think with that one.

I've heard about the sorting into good and bad columns before, but not everything in life is so black and white. Things can be in shades of how they affect you and that's the struggle I have all of the time: "How much bad has to be part of a good for it to depress me?"

I've decided I'm not going to go for the medication. I believe that depression medications are for those that are chronically sad without any apparent source. I believe I am simply oversensitive. Yea, I'm sad, but I have very clear reasons in my mind why I'm sad. I may care too much about things I shouldn't, but I don't think that requires medication.

Am I trying to change? Yea I'm trying very hard. I've got a new job that I love and I've been focusing more on my schoolwork to try and drive out the constant bad thoughts. Is it working? Well yes and no. I'd say mostly no. Friends are easily the most important thing to me in the world. I would give up everything I had for just one or two really good friends. Losing them is the most horrible thing that could happen to me. It sounds kind of stupid when I read it back, but I really feels that's true. It may sound like an awful thing to say considering how many terrible things are out there in the world, but I'm taking my right to care about myself when I say that nothing hurts me more than losing people I care about because they don't care about me.

I guess I just don't know how to deal...I'm trying...to look elsewhere for other people...it's not working out too well...

[chronotrigger681]

read carefully here buddy. Ive been here more than once. Trust me go get on some med's. Your stuck in a kinda loop of thinking and you know your there and you caint get outta it for nothing. Your will is gone your hope is small and your pain great. Anixiety sucks fucking badd. The longer you let it go the worse your gonna get used to this loop pattern. The more you get used to it the worse. Some meds wich im not gonna mention here for bashin purposes. Will help you get outta this loop,get outta this depression and you just stay on them long enough to get outta the loop pattern without even thinkin bout it. I bet somthing bad happend not too long ago and its been all downhill to here. Ive been here. How old are you

[_iffy]

QUOTE(throwingks @ Oct 25 2006, 12:32 PM)

Edit: I guess _iffy didn't like the picture I made for him in post 16

I liked it. Made me laugh. I'm just not going to replace the one i have. It's just too damn funny. Sorry for not giving the props you deserved but, well... I kinda...something...


Fuzzy,

I do get the impression the you have a good head on your sholders. Sounds like your serious about feeling better. That's good.

[Fuzzy]

Yea, I don't want to give you guys the idea that I'm simply trying to evoke sympathy and then run with it. I'm not here to see how many people I can get to "care." I've seen the community come together in the past to answer serious questions and I figured I could get a little help.

You know, I haven't been really happy in a long time, and I always ache a little bit on the inside, but as far as nights go, this one isn't too shabby.  

[Xombe]

It's very important to remember that certain types of disorders, especially anxiety and anxiety-related distress and depression is often, quite frankly, not a psychological problem.

It is often, in fact, a physiological one.  If you were born with your brain wired unable to produce the normal amount of seratonin needed for proper, stable attitudes then medication is often not only a good idea, it's often flat out neccessary.

Know many diabetics who can by without insulin because they feel they can tough it out, or something?  It's the same thing, and realizing and understaning this is a huge benefit to sufferers of anxiety problems.  The most widely prescribed medication for mild to moderate anxiety disorders are SSRI's such as Prozac, NOT sedatives or anti-anxiety meds like benzodiazepiness/diazepam (Valium, etc.).

This is because many anxiety sufferers aren't bad off enough to need constand medication for the symptoms of panic attacks when the problem itself can be treated with SSRIs.  More seratonin available for use by the nervous system means a more normal level of activity and attitude.  If you body cannot make enough seratonin, then that's that.  You can't coax more out, but you can make better use what you've go with meds.

Anti-anxiety meds are for true panic disorders and enviroment-related attacks (fear of flying, stage fright, severe panic syndrome, agrophobia, etc.).  SSRIs are as essential to the garden varitey anxiety sufferer as insulin is to diabetics.

And for those who make the arguement that while untreated diabetes will kill you while anxiety won't, they're wrong.  The timetable is just different.  The body sustains stress and damage, especially in the cardiovascular system, due to increased stress, anxiety, high blood pressure, etc.  It won't kill you in 24 hours, but it'll destroy your heart and aterties by the time you're 45 (and all that time will have been spent on-edge, panicky and pretty unhappy to boot).

I don't know you, but I've spent 15 years learning about this.  If I can offer any other advice, let me know.