Author Topic: The Internet, Xs, And Suicide, A Tragic True Story  (Read 1324 times)


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The Internet, Xs, And Suicide, A Tragic True Story
« on: March 10, 2005, 03:37:00 AM »

I got news about a member of XS.. who committed Suicide this past Tues.

Allow me to spend a few minutes and comment about this.

He was a semi active poster here.. more than a few hundred posts.. and loved this site, and related scene channels.  Active in some of the technical forums.

He was a teen.. who had the typical batch of problems some teens have...

Problems with skin.. acne.. etc.
Problems with being unpopular..
Problems at home with parents and siblings..
Couldn't get more than one date with a girl..

...and more.

Well.. I guess he felt that the one thing he was good at was XBOX.  He was a great game player.  Played with him a few time myself on Xbconnect.  Playing him made you a better player.. cause it was clear he was a borderline clan type player.

He also loved to dig into the scene.. and learn all about what you can do with a modded unit.  Few people knew more than him.  

Now here is where it all turns sour.  

Well.. his parents started fighting.. more often then usual at XMAS... ruined xmas.  Tension brewed.. and one walked out on the other.  Now we have a broken house.. and an already depressed and screwed up kid.  Well.. one of the two parents decided to commit suicide.  As you can imagine.. in a household that had problems.. this just made things 100 times worse.

So.. he now has one widowed parent.. things can't get much worse right?

January rolls around.. report card time.  Bad grades.. surviving parent decideds for the first time to smack our member knocking them to the ground.  

One dead parent.. one abusive parent.

He then heads off to school for the new semester.  Acne not giving him any breaks.. and all his attempts to gain acceptance amongst his peers just get him ridiculed.  

Somewhere along the line.. he managed to get a girl in the same grade to go out with him.  Not sure how he did it.. but managed to have sex with her.  Both being 14.. young and stupid... turns out she got pregnant. (he was batting 1000 apparently)

So.. for those keeping school.. busted up homelife.. one dead parent.. screwed up social life and school life.. and a "girlfriend" he touched once and got pregnant.

Now.. this is where XS comes in.

Instead of getting professional Physhiactric help.. he decided to pour himself into this site.  He become active. reading and absorbing everything.  He becomes a BST sellers and trader and starts bartering alot on the forum.  He becomes active in 6 or 7 scene related channels.

He then makes a few mistakes...

In BST.. he screws up a few transactions.  His name get's tarnished.  In other forums.. he made the mistake of assuming something when in fact he was wrong.. got exposed for it.. and then was laughed at.

This carries over into his IRC persona.. where people realize the connection from his now screwed up XS name.. and his IRC Persona.  He is again pushed aside.. taunted.. and laughed at.

So.. he comes back online to XS.. makes some slams against the staff.. and decides to go out in a blaze of glory.  Posts some clealry bad shit.. (double whammy of porn links and backups sales) in an effort to get some attention one last time.  He gets it.. gets banned for it.

A couple of days later he was dead.

I spent 2 hours with his mother Friday night.  Accessed his account from his machine.. and found PM's to and from members.  Plenty of them cruel reminders that this guy just couldn't seem to find a way to fit in.

Talked to his mom.. and found that she didn't even know he was dead for 24 hrs because she was too drunk. Sad.

Learned though.. that the boy was on and off illegal drugs.. and was on and off prescribed anti-depressants.. etc.  This kid was a toxic cocktail.  He had stopped getting profession help 10 months befire taking his own life.  By my calculation.. that means his entire time on this site.. when he should have been getting professional help.. he was ignoring the advice of family, friends, and medical professionals... and wasting hours online this site and related channels.. trying to gain himself an "image" as a cool XS member.

He had aspirations of trying to be a DEV in this scene... always mouthing off about this project and that. Mostly to get attention.  Because of his immaturity.. the only attention he got from anyone was bad.  His replies to some negative posts just made the situation worse for him.. as people can smell a fraud a mile away.

Bottom line.. one dumb kid who spent too much time online and not enough time with his friends and family and doctors took his life.

He's not the first person to attempt.. or claim to attempt suicide.  But as far as I know.. he was the first to succeed.  A few Months ago.. another dumb kid came on XS.. who had some personal issue like home, family and school etc.. had turned XS and online life into his sanctuary.. then one day flipped out.. Posted a suicide letter on XS and then gave goodbe notices in relevant irc channels.  He then allegedly popped some pills.. and would be dead if not for the interfence and good judgement of another member.  He too.. spent far too much time online.. and on this site... instead of living in the real world.. with real people.. and getting REAL help from medical professionals.

We see the signs in other members lately as well I'm afriad.  These members have taken to XS like a fish does to water.  However.. already.. the signs are there that they spend too much time here.. and give this site too much importance in their lives.  A few in Newbie Chat.. and a few in some other technical and sales forums.  They are spending what appears as all of their free time.. helping.. posting.. etc.  However.. .some took there activity to mean that they were special.. or worse.. that XS owed them something.  So their attitude changed.. posts became agressive and anti-XS or anti-autohrity etc.  Night and day difference in their posting habits.  It's extremely clear that these people who once relished or cherished this site.. and now are pissed off and upset because they haven't gotten the "respect" or whatever it is they think they are owed by this scene real or imagined.  These people need to unplug. and get help asap.  I won't mention names.. it's not necessary.  Most of you may know who they new trouble makers are.. and see the same signs that we do.

Other people.. with lesser mental disorders.. but still should seek clinical help.. have taken to making mimic sites of xs.  These people too.. appear to suffer from various stages of mental disorder.. boardering on the addictive / obsessive.  Having had their accounts banned.. and not being welcome here on XS.. they take the initiative to regain what they have lost.. in a veiled attempt anyways.. by producing a mimic site that they can control. (which in itself is laughable.. considering it's the control aspects of XS some of them bitched about most.) They ended up being a gathering of mostly members who are banned.. who never contributed here in any useful or meaningful fashion. (with the exception of one or two individuals)  These are people.. at least the obsessive ones who created the mimic sites.. I hope will seek the medical attention they need and deserve.

Then you have another group of disturbed people.. these are the ones you might be more familair with.  They post for awhile.. don't like the fact a mod stepped on their toes.. then make it their personal mission in life to make that moderator's job harder.  These people are the reason Head Mods now have the power to remove your priv to post on XS.  These users turn around.. and post crap like "XS sucks" or "XS is this and that.." and that it "doesn't matter to them".  Funny thing.. if it didn't matter to them.. they wouldn't post.  The usual pattern after a post like that.. is that they act out more.. and make more posts like XS doesn't matter to them.  As you can see.. it does.  These are the people I'm currently most concerned about.  They like to bash people.. and make obnoxious claims that people here have no life.. etc.. however.. if they had "lives" outside of XS.. they would see the futility of their posts.  We do. They may have any number of disorders.. boarding on the addictive / obsessive to the attention seeking / doesn't get the love and attention from other sources.  These people.. are at an early stage in their disorder.. and can likley be treated if they seek help now.. instead of wasting their precious time on XS.

These disorder that the oabove members are sufferings from.. may not lead directly to suicide.. but they will linger and fester to engulf other aspects of their lives.. affecting everything from their social lives to whether or not they will be a functional and contributing member of society.

Some quotes from the CDC...

- Suicide took the lives of 29,350 Americans in 2000 (1)
- Persons under age 25 accounted for 15% of all suicides in 2000.1 From 1952-1995, the incidence of suicide among adolescents and young adults nearly tripled. From 1980-1997, the rate of suicide among persons aged 15-19 years increased by 11% and among persons aged 10-14 years by 109%. From 1980-1996, the rate increased 105% for African-American males aged 15-19.1,8
- For young people 15-24 years old, suicide is the third leading cause of death, behind unintentional injury and homicide. In 1999, more teenagers and young adults died from suicide than from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, and chronic lung disease combined.1
- Among persons aged 15-19 years, firearm-related suicides accounted for more than 60% of the increase in the overall rate of suicide from 1980-1997.1

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Web-based Injury Statistics Query and Reporting System (WISQARS) [Online]. (2002). National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (producer). Available from: URL:  [2003 March 27].

If you spend more than 2+ hours on the site per day.. and you aren't a mod, dev, seller, etc.. talk to some friends and family and ask them what they think of your current activities.  IF they are honest.. most will tell you that too much time is spent here.

If you think you might have an addictive personality.. or suspect you are slipping into depression.. please.. XS is not the place to find help.  You need to talk to family, Friends, and real Doctors.  People with PHD beside their name.. not HEAD MOD or ADMIN under it.

If you don't have a family doctor.. call your local health phone line.. or hospital and get some help from professionals who are trained to help.. and who know what they are talking about.

What I want to get across to people.. is that it's great that you love this site.. and want to post alot.  Some of you for whatever reasons may have aspirations to even become mods ( I have no idea why though.. it's not fun ).  What you can't do.. and shouldn't do.. is make XS.. or any site.. the center of your personal and social universe.  Same goes with the IRC channels... which can be even more addictive.

We have no way to keep people from being overly active on the site or the channel.  Whatever the age.. you need to make your own decisions how much is too much.  Personally.. if you aren't staff.. and aren't a reseller or BST active trader or installer.. then you likely shouldn't be on the site more than 2 hours per day.. and at that... I'm probably being Generous.

I'm an Admin.. I try to read current topics in all forums.. and I'm on the site 4 times per day no matter where I am.. even if that means connecting via wireless means.. but I still try not to spend more tha 2 hours per day total.

XS is great.. but you can't have it be everything in your life.  Some day... we will close this site.  Nothing is forever.  What will you do then? (assuming you are "addicted" like this member was)

Go outside.. breath fresh air.  Go to School.  Go to Classes.  When needed.. get professional help from REAL doctors and not strangers on XS.

Some SUICIDE Prevention Links:


American Association of Suicidology or call 1-202-237-2280

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)

National Strategy for Suicide Prevention
Goals and Objectives for Action

National Suicide Prevention Strategy

National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center
The National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center (NYVPRC) was established as a central source of information on prevention and intervention programs, publications, research, and statistics on violence committed by and against children and teens. The resource center is a collaboration between the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and other federal agencies. Together, the NYVPRC Website, , and call center, 1-866-SAFEYOUTH (723-3968), serve as a user-friendly, single point of access to federal information on youth violence prevention and suicide.

Reporting on Suicide: Recommendations for the Media  
The media play a powerful role in educating the public about suicide prevention. Stories about suicide inform readers and/or viewers about the likely causes of suicide, warning signs, trends in suicide rates, and recent advances in treatment. Media are able to reach multiple audiences about ways to prevent suicide. These recommendations will help guide the media to educate readers and viewers about the steps they can take to prevent suicide.

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration (SAMHSA)

Suicide Prevention Advocacy Network (SPAN)

SUICIDE is a personal decision. If you have a problem.. get medical attention. XS staff and members are not qualified to give medical advice on this matter. Consult your local White and Yellow Pages for professionals in your area who are qualified to deal with these problems.[/font]

EDIT: Plz don't ask me his name.  Unlike that other clown who made his suicide attempts known to XS.. this guy made no attempt to glorify what he was doing.


Originally posted March 13, 2004


I decided to make a copy of the original article here, as recently this issue (different people though) seems to have boiled up again and I hope those who are disturbed enough to consider taking their own life take a few minutes, read what was written, and consider using some of the links provided to get help.