1) A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd
found a cat. She asked him if it was dead or
alive. "Dead." She was informed. "How do you
know?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed
in its ear and it didn't move," answered the
child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher
exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained
the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and
it didn't move.
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A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later.... "Da-ad...." "What? "I'm
thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes
later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY.
Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO!"
If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five
minutes later...... "Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring
a drink of water?"
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A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in
Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class
section and sits down. The flight attendant watches
her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells
the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will
have to sit in the back. The blonde replies, "I'm
blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm
staying right here." The flight attendant goes into
the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that
there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that
belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to
explain that because she only paid for Economy she
will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde
replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to
Montreal and I'm staying right here."
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should
have the police waiting when they land to arrest this
blonde woman that won't listen to reason.
The pilot says, "I'll handle this. I'm married to a
blonde. I have learned to speak 'blonde."
He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and
without question she gets up and moves back to her seat
in the Economy section. The flight attendant and co-pilot
are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move
without any fuss.
"I told her First Class isn't going to Montreal."
An exasperated mother, whose son was always
getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How
do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought
it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out
and in and out and keep slamming the door until
St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come
in or stay out!'
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One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm
a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was
about to turn off the light when he asked with
a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep
with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave
him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said.
"I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence
was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy."
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When I was six months pregnant with my third
child, my three year old came into the room when
I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied,
"Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing
in her tummy" "I know," she replied, but what's
growing in your butt?"
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One day the first grade teacher was reading
the story of Chicken Little to her class. She
came to the part of the story where Chicken Little
tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and
so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said,
"The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The
teacher paused then asked the class, "And what
do you think that farmer said?" One little girl
raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Oh
****! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable
to teach for the next 10 minutes.
2) Was playing a backup of Wolfenstein, accidently forgot I wasn't playing the physical game. What do you know? Banned
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Topic: 3 Free Eeproms (Read 326 times)