Post by: bigjimmy on November 10, 2006, 12:10:00 AM
Some of them are a bit old but still funny....
> 1. Two blondes walk into a building........ .. you'd think at least
> one of them would have seen it
>
> 2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana,
> press the hash key..."
>
> 3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for
> shorts.
> The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
>
> 4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
> find any.
>
> 5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
> couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks
> are too high."
>
> 6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him
> in.
>
> 7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
> "Doctor,doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied "I know you
> can't, I've amputated your arms off".
>
> 8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
>
> 9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the
> craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your
> kayak and heat it too.
>
> 10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
> with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
>
> 11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
> Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
>
> 12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home'. "That
> sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." 'Is it common?' "It's not unusual."
>
> 13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is
> there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have
> a look at him". So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he
> checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him
> down." "What?
> Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy".
>
> 14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up
> my backside." "...How's that?" "Don't you start."
>
> 15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!
>
> 16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
>
> 17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you
> give me a lift?" I said "Sure. You look great ... the world's your
> oyster...go for it."
>
> 18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5
> people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or
> my Dad,or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu?
> But I think its Colin.
>
> 19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The
> other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"
>
> 20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid,
> and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other
> one off.
>
> 21. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today."
> They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.'
> "So that was nice."
>
> 22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in
> several places". The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore".
Just thought id share those with everyone.....
Post by: Modderxtrordanare on November 10, 2006, 03:18:00 AM
Post by: throwingks on November 10, 2006, 06:07:00 AM
Post by: mod_me on November 11, 2006, 10:57:00 PM