Post by: desertboy on July 24, 2003, 06:00:00 AM
Before anyone gives me stick the owners of the xbox's where told I was going to harvest their eeproms before I flashed their boxes.
Let's start the ball rolling
The miracle birth
A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.
The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."
"Do you think it will work?" she asks.
"It's worth a try." he says.
So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.
After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this.".
"What?" asks the priest, "what happened?".
"You gave birth to a child!".
"But that's impossible!" says the priest.
"I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "it's a miracle! Here's your baby."
About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father."
The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?"
The priest replies, "I am your mother. The archbishop is your father.".
Post by: desertboy on July 24, 2003, 10:24:00 AM
Are the pilots flying blind?
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.
The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.
At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.
Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.
When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!"
Post by: MeNaCe911 on July 24, 2003, 03:24:00 PM
Wolly Bully--------
A ventriloquist is visiting an indian reservation and decides to have a little fun with the chief. "hey there" he says "i bet i can make your horse talk." "horse no talk" says the cheif. "well see" says the ventriloquist. he turns to the horse and ask, "so how does your master treat you?" "pretty well," says the horse. "he gives me plenty of food and water, and he lets me run all over." "i bet i can make your dog talk too." "dog no talk" says the chief. "how about you?" says the ventriloquist. "is he good to you too?" "yup" says the dog. "we play fetch." "lets see what the sheep has to say," "wait!" says the cheif. "SHEEP LIE! SHEEP LIE!"
lol
Post by: Azazel on July 25, 2003, 07:59:00 AM
| QUOTE (MeNaCe911 @ Jul 25 2003, 12:24 AM) |
| heres mine... Wolly Bully-------- A ventriloquist is visiting an indian reservation and decides to have a little fun with the chief. "hey there" he says "i bet i can make your horse talk." "horse no talk" says the cheif. "well see" says the ventriloquist. he turns to the horse and ask, "so how does your master treat you?" "pretty well," says the horse. "he gives me plenty of food and water, and he lets me run all over." "i bet i can make your dog talk too." "dog no talk" says the chief. "how about you?" says the ventriloquist. "is he good to you too?" "yup" says the dog. "we play fetch." "lets see what the sheep has to say," "wait!" says the cheif. "SHEEP LIE! SHEEP LIE!" lol |
HAHAHAHA, thats the best ive heard in a long time!
ROTFLMAO
Post by: desertboy on July 26, 2003, 05:50:00 PM
Post by: mrRobinson on July 27, 2003, 08:50:00 AM
Q: What are the ingredients for the new, improved Clinton stew?
A: One wiener, one tongue, one cooked goose, lots of spilled beans and hot water.
That's gotta be a winner.
Post by: * illusion * on July 27, 2003, 09:44:00 AM
His girlfriend was having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He rode his new bike to her house, where she was outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don''t say a word." She told him, "Our family had a fight awhile ago about doing dishes. We haven''t done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."
Steve sat down for dinner and it was just how she described it. Dishes were piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody was saying a word. So Steve decided to have a little fun. He grabbed his girlfriend, threw her on the table, and had sex with her in front of her parents. His girlfriend was a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sat back down, but no one said a word.
A few minutes later he grabbed her mom, threw her on the table, and did a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend was furious, her dad was boiling, and her mother was a little happier. But still there was complete silence at the table.
All of a sudden there was a loud clap of thunder, and it started to rain. Steve remembered his motorcycle. He jumped up and grabbed his jar of Vaseline. When he witnesses this, his girlfriend''s father backed away from the table and screamed, "Okay, enough already, I''ll do the goddam dishes!"
Post by: Dan203 on July 28, 2003, 10:41:00 AM
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Half of a cat.
Dan
(disclaimer: no animals were harmed in the posting of this joke)
Post by: Carbon on July 29, 2003, 05:14:00 AM
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
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"A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
"He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: 'Wow that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.'
"The man then replies: 'Yeah, well, we were married 35 years.'"
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"Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, 'I slept with your mother!'
"The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other guy will do.
"The first again yells, 'I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!'
"The other says: 'Go home dad, you're drunk.'"
Post by: da_shiznit on July 29, 2003, 09:39:00 AM
Whats a black girl with braces??
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A black and decker pecker wrecker
Post by: Pentium on July 29, 2003, 05:37:00 PM
Q: Whats the definition of a 2003 virgin??
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A: An ugly 3rd grader
i heard it today made me laugh
Post by: desertboy on July 30, 2003, 03:17:00 AM
Q: what do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
A: a quarter pounder with cheese!
Q: How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
A: Stick a javelin thru it's head.
Q: Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?
A: Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
Q: What is the politically correct name for Lesbian?
A: "Vagitarian"
Q: How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, but it takes 15 to write a paper entitled "coping with darkness
Post by: desertboy on July 31, 2003, 12:31:00 AM
| QUOTE (woly @ Jul 30 2003, 02:30 AM) |
| A lady went to the check out at a grocery store and bought 1 pack of spaghetti 1 can of tamatos 1 can of coke 1 frozen chicken 1 chocalate bar 1 packet of beans 1 icey poll 1 clove of garlic 1 cantaloupe 1 pack of noodles The guy at the check out said "I can tell your single" and she said "How can you tell?" and he said "Because your ugly" ------- Please give me an eeprom i got banned months ago :/ |
We have a winner, Check your PM woly.
Don't forget still another 2 eeproms to go best one between now and next thursday wins another one.
Post by: AnThRaX on July 31, 2003, 02:30:00 AM
Post by: desertboy on July 31, 2003, 04:23:00 AM
| QUOTE (AnThRaX @ Jul 31 2003, 11:30 AM) |
| Its my 400th post come on, give a man a break. My joke: I fell on my nutz |
Well my decision is final and woly win's my 1st eeprom but I have another 2 (Maybe 4) to give away and not that many jokes were posted in the last week so if you post a couple of good jokes you stand a very good chance of winning. Congrats on your 400th post but that's not going to get you an eeprom on it's own. Post more good jokes and I might give you an eeprom out of pity.
Post by: spIdeZ on July 31, 2003, 09:45:00 PM
Two old drunks were lapping them up at a bar.
The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with both hands.
By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard.
"By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week,
and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand."
"So", says the second drunk, "What's your point?"
"Well", says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"
Post by: Ravenous2000 on August 01, 2003, 11:05:00 AM
Post by: MeNaCe911 on August 01, 2003, 11:16:00 AM
Post by: kdoggg710 on August 01, 2003, 12:24:00 PM
What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A brunette with bad breath
hehe my gf get so pissed when I do blonde jokes...I know quite a few.
Post by: kdoggg710 on August 01, 2003, 12:26:00 PM
Why don't witches wear panties?
Better grip on the broom
Post by: desertboy on August 01, 2003, 05:22:00 PM
| QUOTE (kdoggg710 @ Aug 1 2003, 09:24 PM) |
| Here goes nothing....hope I win. What do you call a blonde standing on her head? A brunette with bad breath hehe my gf get so pissed when I do blonde jokes...I know quite a few. |
My girlfriend's blonde so we like blonde jokes so I can piss her off.
Post by: .:**:. on August 01, 2003, 06:53:00 PM
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Post by: brienj on August 02, 2003, 10:37:00 AM
He made a mistake and instead of going down 42nd street he ended up on 24th street, but the same street adress. He walks up to the building and goes inside and doesn't realize it is a Podiatrist clinic. He notices a bunch of nurses and thinks that this place is really cool and they must be kinky.
He tells the receptionist that he really needs to be taken care of as soon as possible and she tells him that they have an opening right away, just follow her. She takes him into a room and tells him to go to the other side of the curtain and to stick it through the hole in the curtain and someone would be in shortly to help him.
The guy thinks it's pretty wierd, but goes ahead and gets behind the curtain and sticks his manhood through the hole. A short time later a nurse walks in and screams, "That's NOT a foot!"
The man grumbles, "Damn, I didn't know this place had a minimum size."
Post by: xbox_freak!! on August 02, 2003, 11:42:00 AM
Post by: .:**:. on August 02, 2003, 02:26:00 PM
)A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
TRY #3 (I really need 1
).Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with the Doberman said to his friend, "Let's go over to that bar and get something to drink."
The guy with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."
The one with the Doberman said, "Just follow my lead." They walked over to the bar and the guy with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the bar.
The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed."
The man with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog."
The bouncer said, "A Doberman pinscher?"
The man said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."
The bouncer said, "OK then, come on in."
The buddy with the Chihuahua figured he'd try it too so he put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the bar. He knew his story would be a bit more unbelievable. Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."
The man with the Chihuahua said, "You don't understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog."
The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?"
The man with the Chihuahua said, "A Chihuahua?!? A Chihuahua?!?
They gave me a fuckin Chihuahua??
Post by: elduderino1234 on August 02, 2003, 03:45:00 PM
Post by: .:**:. on August 02, 2003, 04:15:00 PM
| QUOTE (elduderino1234 @ Aug 3 2003, 12:45 AM) |
| you had me till you mispellled fuckin |
You try spelling Chihuahua...
Post by: .:**:. on August 03, 2003, 01:42:00 PM
Post by: wazzupbe1 on August 03, 2003, 11:14:00 PM
A: woman doesnt accept a 3.5 inch floppy.
A man was stuck in a jungle in china. He found this huge mansion in the middle of no where. He rang the dorbell and asked if he could stay for the night and eat there food. An old man answered the door and said of course you can stay, under 1 stipulation, you can not fool around with my grandoughter, and if you do, you will have to go through 3 chinesse torcher tests.
The man takes a shower and comes down for dinner and sees the old man's grandoughter (a knock out babe) and gets these wild ideas. Then later that night, he and the grandoughter have sex and try not to wake up the old man. The young man goes to sleep thinking the old man didnt know about them having sex.
He wakes up that morning to find a 100 pound rock on his chest, and on the rock is written "chinesse torcher test #1: 100 pound rock on chest." So he throws that rock out of out the window and reads on the other side of the rock "Chinesse torcher test #2: 100 pound rock tied to left testical." So the man jumps out of the window to save his testical and reads on the side of the house, "Chinesse torcher test #3: right testical tied to bed post."
RIP
Post by: SniperKilla on August 04, 2003, 12:16:00 AM
Post by: Sawman on August 04, 2003, 12:58:00 AM
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A: Hey wanna go play baseball?
Post by: Sawman on August 04, 2003, 01:10:00 AM
A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church, sat down in the Confessional and said nothing.
The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting.
The priest coughs to attract the drunk man's attention, but still the man says nothing.
The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
Finally the drunk replies, ''No use knockin,' pal. There's no paper."
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Language Barriers
An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York with 2000 Japanese yen and walked out with $72.
The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was handed $66. He asked the teller why he got less money than the previous week.
The teller said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!"
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It Ain't Margarita
What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy?
A Dry Martinez!
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Annoying Boy on Bus
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!''
The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''
Post by: desertboy on August 04, 2003, 07:38:00 AM
| QUOTE (.:*Å*:. @ Aug 3 2003, 10:42 PM) |
| ....did we win or loose? |
Woly won the 1st one, next winner will be this thursday. I should just mention that the eeproms have come from 1.1's & 1.3's (I don't use live so I haven't got a clue if this would make any difference) The xbox's (Which I harvested the eeproms from ) were then reprogrammed with banned eeproms from the same version xbox's.
If it matters which eeprom you flash to the xbox then you best start adding your xbox version numbers. (I gave away a 1.1 eeprom from a pal xbox which someone flashed to a 1.1 ntsc xbox and that worked fine)
PS. Woly you have a 1.1 eeprom that I sent you.
PPS I set no limit on the ammount of times you can enter e.g. if you want to post 20 funny jokes in this thread you are 20 times more likely to win an eeprom.
I'll put the dates down for each winner (4 more eeproms to go, although with reflashing a box a week at the mo. might have a lot more will continue until there are no more eeproms)
07/08/03
14/08/03
21/08/03
28/08/03
All eeproms are pal, dates are in english form.
Post by: SniperKilla on August 04, 2003, 04:11:00 PM
Post by: .:**:. on August 04, 2003, 05:58:00 PM
The blonde reported for her university final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet-Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour. But I'm rechecking my answers.
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A secretary, a paralegal and a partner in a city law firm are walking through a park on their way to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the secretary. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world. Poof! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the paralegal. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.
"You're next," the Genie says to the partner. The partner says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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The drunk pumpkin
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Post by: .:**:. on August 04, 2003, 06:00:00 PM
1. Get boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "I think we have a Code 3 in house-wares," and see what happens.
5. Put M&M's on lay away.
6. Move "CAUTION WET FLOOR" signs to carpeted areas.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask "WHY won't you people leave me ALONE?"
9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible".
12. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say "PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!"
13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again".
14. Go into the fitting room and yell real loud "HEY, WE'RE OUT OF TOILET PAPER IN HERE!"
......I'm running out of jokes.
Post by: shavedrat on August 04, 2003, 08:01:00 PM
i dont care about eeproms, and this isnt even really funny, but oh well.
http://asdfg.mine.nu...l/pics/189.html
Post by: .:**:. on August 04, 2003, 08:24:00 PM
| QUOTE (wazzupbe1 @ Aug 4 2003, 08:14 AM) |
| Q: whats the difference between a computer and a woman A: woman doesnt accept a 3.5 inch floppy. A man was stuck in a jungle in china. He found this huge mansion in the middle of no where. He rang the dorbell and asked if he could stay for the night and eat there food. An old man answered the door and said of course you can stay, under 1 stipulation, you can not fool around with my grandoughter, and if you do, you will have to go through 3 chinesse torcher tests. The man takes a shower and comes down for dinner and sees the old man's grandoughter (a knock out babe) and gets these wild ideas. Then later that night, he and the grandoughter have sex and try not to wake up the old man. The young man goes to sleep thinking the old man didnt know about them having sex. He wakes up that morning to find a 100 pound rock on his chest, and on the rock is written "chinesse torcher test #1: 100 pound rock on chest." So he throws that rock out of out the window and reads on the other side of the rock "Chinesse torcher test #2: 100 pound rock tied to left testical." So the man jumps out of the window to save his testical and reads on the side of the house, "Chinesse torcher test #3: right testical tied to bed post." RIP |
Post by: Asmodeus on August 04, 2003, 10:20:00 PM
Anyhow....my girlfriend sent me this a few seconds ago.
   "Great Date"
One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. After kissing each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would you give me a blow job?"
Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!" "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
 "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught "Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!" "No way. It's just too risky!" "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"
   "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!" "Oh yes you can. Please?"
"No, no. I just can't" "I'm begging you ...
   Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says, "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job, or I can do it. Or if need be, Mom says she can come down herself and do it. But for God's sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom."
Post by: Asmodeus on August 04, 2003, 10:44:00 PM
Post by: desertboy on August 04, 2003, 11:27:00 PM
| QUOTE (SrPhatnutZ @ Aug 5 2003, 05:55 AM) |
| I hope this one doesn't get deleted - not a racist but this joke is so damn offensive it just has to be heard. What do you say to a black jew? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Get to the back of the oven! |
Heh heh, that's pretty funny
Post by: Voltron on August 05, 2003, 12:35:00 AM
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a horse dosn't have handle bars!
Post by: Videogamebuyer14 on August 05, 2003, 12:46:00 AM
| QUOTE (Asmodeus @ Aug 5 2003, 07:20 AM) |
| I'd be amazed if that is not deleted.....WOW! Anyhow....my girlfriend sent me this a few seconds ago. Â Â Â "Great Date" One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. After kissing each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would you give me a blow job?" Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!" "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" Â "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught "Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!" "No way. It's just too risky!" "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?" Â Â Â "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!" "Oh yes you can. Please?" "No, no. I just can't" "I'm begging you ... Â Â Â Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says, "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job, or I can do it. Or if need be, Mom says she can come down herself and do it. But for God's sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom." |
LMAO!
Post by: SniperKilla on August 05, 2003, 11:11:00 AM
Post by: SniperKilla on August 05, 2003, 06:33:00 PM
Post by: BADrash on August 06, 2003, 10:37:00 AM
Post by: SLuSHIE on August 06, 2003, 05:52:00 PM
Post by: The Bosstone71 on August 06, 2003, 07:23:00 PM
Q: What is black and blue and doesn't like sex?
A: The little boy in my trunk
Q: What's the best part about taking a shower with a 13 year old vietnamese girl?
A: If you slick her hair back she looks 11
Q: How do you make a cat go WOOF?
A: Douse it in gasoline, throw on a match... WOOF
Q: How do you make a dog go MEOW?
A: Put him in a freezer for 3 days, throw him on a table saw.... MEEEOOOOWWWWW
Post by: bborski on August 06, 2003, 07:46:00 PM
having ass hair sucks its like trying rub peanut butter out of carpet
Post by: SniperKilla on August 06, 2003, 09:14:00 PM
Post by: desertboy on August 07, 2003, 03:53:00 AM
| QUOTE (Sawman @ Aug 4 2003, 10:10 AM) |
| Making a Confession A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church, sat down in the Confessional and said nothing. The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting. The priest coughs to attract the drunk man's attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally the drunk replies, ''No use knockin,' pal. There's no paper." |
There were many many good entries I found it a lot harder to pick a winner this week but we the aid of several other judges (The people I work with) I think we have found this weeks winner Sawman.
If you didn't win this week remember you can still enter for next weeks eeprom. More entries more likely to win although you only need one joke, just the best joke.
Sawman PM me with your email address I'll email the eeprom back to you. Won't be until tomorrow I can mail it because I've got to see a man about a dog this evening (No really).
Keep the jokes coming I still have eeproms.
A Tennessee man and an Alabama man were both fighting in a war and were captured by the enemy. "Before we put you to death," said the enemy, "do you have any last requests?" "Yes," said the Alabaman. "Could you play 'Yeah, Alabama' before you shoot me?" "Sure," said the enemy. "How about you, Tennessean?" "Could you shoot me before you play 'Yeah, Alabama?'"
Post by: neo-dilly on August 08, 2003, 10:30:00 AM
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she called me to get my phone number.
she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
she tried to drown a fish.
she thought a quarterback was a refund.
she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
she tripped over a cordless phone.
she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
she studied for a blood test.
she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home
Post by: SniperKilla on August 08, 2003, 12:19:00 PM
Post by: Xbox-Savage on August 08, 2003, 01:09:00 PM
Noob : whoohoo im going to have a moded XBox
installer: yeah stupid asshole in one hour.
narrator: One hour passed
Noob: weeeeeee
, i have a moded xbox now.installer: now remeber you must turn it off to be able to play Live.
Noob: ok
narrator: the noob went home.
Noob: whooho , ok the installer said that to be able to play Live i must turn it off , weee im playing Live!!!!
narrator: one day later
Noob: WTF! is this , YOU HAVE BEEN BANNED FROM LIVE!!
narrator: the angry noob goes to the installer.
installer : WTF did you do moron. i told you to turn it off.
Noob: i did turn it off , i only turn it on when im watching playboy.
(i really need this eeprom for a stupid noob friend like that)
Post by: AnThRaX on August 08, 2003, 01:14:00 PM
Post by: SniperKilla on August 08, 2003, 05:01:00 PM
Post by: potissimus on August 08, 2003, 11:21:00 PM
Post by: desertboy on August 08, 2003, 11:21:00 PM
I'll get th eeprom off at some point today, It's a pity you can post sick virtually or maybe put a link to it in the forum so all you f*ckers can suffer.
PPS Don't ever drink Cider especially scrumpy.
How do you fit 100 pygammies in a car?
Grind them.
Post by: SniperKilla on August 08, 2003, 11:51:00 PM
| QUOTE (systanatic @ Aug 9 2003, 04:59 AM) |
| *NOt a racis just a joke I dont just say this for african americans that is everyone* What do you call a bunch of African Americans on a yellow shcool bus driving down a forest mountain? - - A falling rotten Bannana! |
bah, ok everyone else is whipping out the black jokes, time for me...
and its...
whats yellow, black and funny as hell?
a school bus full of blacks going over a cliff..
what do you call 200 blacks at the bottom of the ocean?
a good start
whats so sad about 4 blacks in a caddilac driving off a cliff?
there was an open seat.
how longs it take a black lady to take a shit?
9 months
who does a black lady get a check from after she has an abortion?
crime stoppers of america
what are 3 things you cant give a black guy?
a fat lip, a black eye and a job
how do you starve a black guy?
put his welfare check under his work boots..
how do you fit 15 black guys in a car?
throw in a welfare check
how do you get them out?
throw in a job application
whats the difference between a black guy and a pizza?
a pizza can feed a family of 4
what do you say when you see your tv floating around at night?
drop it ni**** <-- censored because of whiners on here.
i got tons more, just sick of typing
Post by: bborski on August 09, 2003, 11:57:00 PM
A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table.
The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed children's jigsaw puzzle. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?"
The blonde who brought in the picture explains, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together.
"The side of the box said 2 to 4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"
============================================
Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the ladies room, there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie... Poof. They are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.
Sooooo, a redhead of questionable looks walks into the ladies room, stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." Poof. The mirror swallows her.
Next, a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the sexiest woman alive." Poof. The mirror swallows her.
Then, an absolutely gorgeous blonde comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think..." Poof.
============================================
A priest was taking a shortcut
through an alley one day and
came upon a young boy who was masturbating. "My son, you
shouldn't be doing that", said the priest. "You should be saving
that for when you get married."
The embarrassed boy hung his head down low and simply
said "Yes, Father."
About 10 years later the priest was in his study when a young
man, in his early twenties came in.
"Yes, my son?" said the priest.
"Father, you may not remember me, but about 10 years ago
you caught me masturbating in an alley, and I'll never forget
the advice you gave then."
"And what was that, my son?"
"Well, you told me that what I was doing was wrong and I
should be saving it for when I get married", said the young
man.
"That sounds like something I probably would have said" said
the priest. "Did you take my advice?"
"Yes I did, Father; but there's only one problem."
"What's that, my son?"
"Well, I have a 55 gallon drum of the stuff in the back of my
pickup truck. Now that I am getting married, what am I
supposed to do with it?"
============================================
Post by: AnThRaX on August 10, 2003, 01:53:00 AM
| QUOTE (SniperKilla @ Aug 9 2003, 08:51 AM) | ||
bah, ok everyone else is whipping out the black jokes, time for me... and its... whats yellow, black and funny as hell? a school bus full of blacks going over a cliff.. what do you call 200 blacks at the bottom of the ocean? a good start whats so sad about 4 blacks in a caddilac driving off a cliff? there was an open seat. how longs it take a black lady to take a shit? 9 months who does a black lady get a check from after she has an abortion? crime stoppers of america what are 3 things you cant give a black guy? a fat lip, a black eye and a job how do you starve a black guy? put his welfare check under his work boots.. how do you fit 15 black guys in a car? throw in a welfare check how do you get them out? throw in a job application whats the difference between a black guy and a pizza? a pizza can feed a family of 4 what do you say when you see your tv floating around at night? drop it ni**** <-- censored because of whiners on here. i got tons more, just sick of typing |
I vote for him, Those are hilarous even know im not racist. Its just fucking funny as hell!
Post by: desertboy on August 10, 2003, 02:06:00 AM
What does a white woman and a tampon have in common? They're both stuck up cunts.
How did the West Virginian mom know when her daughter was on the rag?
Her son's dick tasted funny.
What do West Virginian's do on Halloween?
Pump-kin.
What do you call a White man with a sheep under each arm?
A Pimp.
Jim Cracker is WHITE!!
How white is he?
He's so white, during the L.A riots, he went out and bought a TV.
How many white girls does it take to screw in a light?
None, white girls can't screw
Post by: AnThRaX on August 10, 2003, 03:36:00 AM
| QUOTE (desertboy @ Aug 10 2003, 11:06 AM) |
| There pretty funny but I think we need to redress the balance slightly. What does a white woman and a tampon have in common? They're both stuck up cunts. How did the West Virginian mom know when her daughter was on the rag? Her son's dick tasted funny. What do West Virginian's do on Halloween? Pump-kin. What do you call a White man with a sheep under each arm? A Pimp. Jim Cracker is WHITE!! How white is he? He's so white, during the L.A riots, he went out and bought a TV. How many white girls does it take to screw in a light? None, white girls can't screw |
i like the first 2
Post by: SniperKilla on August 10, 2003, 10:16:00 AM
What's the difference between dog shit and blacks?
When dog shit gets old it turns White and quits stinking.
What's the difference between a black and a snow tire?
A snow tire doesn't sing when you put chains on it.
Why don't sharks eat blacks?
They think it's whale shit.
What do you call a black in a tree with a briefcase?
Branch manager.
Why do blacks cry during sex?
The Mace.
How do you stop a black from drowning?
Take your foot off the back of his head.
How do you get a black out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
What did the Alabama sherriff call the black who had been shot 15 times?
Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.
Why do blacks stink?
So blind people can hate them too.
What do black kids get for Christmas?
Your bike.
What's a blacks idea of foreplay?
"Don't scream or I'll cut you, bitch."
What's long and black and smells like shit?
The welfare line.
What is the worst 3 years of a blacks life?
First grade.
How was break dancing invented?
blacks trying to steal hubcaps from moving cars.
What did Abe Lincoln say after a 3 day drunk?
"I set WHO free?"
What's the most confusing day in Harlem?
Father's Day.
What do you call a black in a courtroom in a 3 piece suit?
The defendant.
There is a black and a spic in a car, who's driving?
The cop.
Whys stevie wonder always smiling?
he dosent know hes black.
do i need to type more ?! haha
Post by: Voltron on August 10, 2003, 11:14:00 PM
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Yellow! Because snakes don't have armpits.
Post by: SniperKilla on August 11, 2003, 01:31:00 AM
| QUOTE (Voltron @ Aug 11 2003, 07:14 AM) |
| How many pancakes can you fit into a dog house? . . . . Yellow! Because snakes don't have armpits. |
Post by: bborski on August 11, 2003, 09:28:00 AM
'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat
The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of his sled, A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite.
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.
Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree, Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub, Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.
And then from the roof we heard such a clatter, As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
I was donning my jacket to cover my ass, When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
His suit was all smelly with perfume galore, He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
That was some brothel, he said with a smile, The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay here awhile.
He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink, Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee, The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.
Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack, But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.
The first thing he found was a pair of false tits, The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.
A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find, And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.
A bra without nipples, a penis extension, And several other things that I shouldn't even mention.
A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil, A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.
This suff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit, So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split.
He filled every stocking and then took his leave, With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead, Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.
In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch, Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!
The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout, The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!
Post by: AnThRaX on August 11, 2003, 09:33:00 AM
| QUOTE (SniperKilla @ Aug 11 2003, 10:31 AM) | ||
|
I didnt get that!
Post by: Reefrbaby on August 11, 2003, 10:19:00 AM
The sausage looks at the egg and says "Man, is it getting hot in here?"
The egg says:
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"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH TALKING SAUSAGE!"
Post by: desertboy on August 11, 2003, 12:38:00 PM
| QUOTE (Reefrbaby @ Aug 11 2003, 07:19 PM) |
| An egg and sausage are sittin in a frying pan. The sausage looks at the egg and says "Man, is it getting hot in here?" The egg says: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH TALKING SAUSAGE!" |
LOL
What a Priest!
One fine sunny morning, the priest took a walk in the local forest. He had been walking by the small stream when he noticed a sad, sad looking frog sitting on a toadstool.
"What's wrong with you?" said the priest.
"Well," said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fine day is because I wasn't always a frog."
"Really!" said the priest. "Can you explain!"
"Once upon a time I was an 11 year old Choir boy at the local church. I too was walking through this forest when I was confronted by the wicked witch of the forest. 'Let me pass!' I yelled, but to no avail. She called me a cheeky little boy and with a flash of her wand, turned me into this frog you see before you."
"That's an incredible story" said the priest. "Is there no way of reversing this spell that the witch has cast upon you?."
"Yes" said the frog, "It is said, that if a nice kind person would pick me up, take me home, give me food & Warmth and with a good nights sleep would wake up a boy once again."
"Today's your lucky day!" said the priest, and picked up the frog and took him home. The priest gave the frog lots of food, placed him by the fire and at bedtime put the frog on the pillow beside him. When the priest awoke, he saw the 11-year-old Choirboy beside him in bed,
"And that my lord is the case for the Defense.......
Post by: bborski on August 11, 2003, 08:07:00 PM
This is an actual alert to IBM Field Engineers that went out to all IBM Branch Offices. The person who wrote it was very serious. The rest of us may find it rather humorous.
Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit)
Mouse Balls are now available as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.
Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse.
Domestic balls will be harder and larger than foreign balls.
Ball removal procedures differ depending on the manufacturer of the mouse.
Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method.
Domestic balls are replaced using the twist off method.
Mouse Balls are usually not static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.
Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.
It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction, and that any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.
Post by: Xbox-Savage on August 11, 2003, 09:00:00 PM
did i win a eeprom? i already made a joke.
Post by: desertboy on August 12, 2003, 05:03:00 AM
Quoted from an email from the Sawman
"yeah I was hopeing it would help too but it fucked up my XBOX i followed
X-S's tutorial stepbystep and now my Xbox wont urn on. Im not blaming you, I
was just letting you know."
I don't know what the problem is, I sending the winners a rar of the backup directory evo-x makes when you select backup. I assumed this should be enough (It worked for Zimzamzoom a previous winner in a previous thread, it also worked for me when I harvested a banned eeprom for reprogramming the tsop flashed xbox's and it worked for me when I restored mine but until I check (Maybe flashing the eeprom in question to my xbox) I won't be handing out another eeprom. Keep the jokes coming I'm still going to give away eeproms but I want to make sure I don't have a problem (In turn you don't have a problem.)
I'd appreciate if Woly could PM me tell me how you got on with the eeprom I sent you.
Post by: Sawman on August 12, 2003, 05:00:00 PM
Post by: desertboy on August 14, 2003, 09:24:00 AM
| QUOTE (Sawman @ Aug 13 2003, 02:00 AM) |
| were these anychance PAL eeproms? |
Yes they were all PAL, that shouldn't make a difference I'm sure I flashed a Pal eeprom to a ntsc box before with no problems.
I flashed the eeprom I sent Sawman to my Pal xbox 1.1 no problems at all. I don't know what to say. I'll still give away the eeproms but be warned they are at your own risk.
Today there should have been a winner, too tired to sort it out so I'll announce the winner tomorrow. Keep 'em coming you've still got time to win this weeks eeprom I'll judge when I get to work, 08:00am GMT friday.
Post by: qbanboy14 on August 14, 2003, 10:27:00 AM
| QUOTE (SniperKilla @ Aug 10 2003, 07:16 PM) |
| Whys stevie wonder always smiling? he dosent know hes black. |
!!!!