Post by: XbOxGoD on July 01, 2003, 02:42:00 AM
i'll give a free eeprom to people who post the funiest joke here.
1) don't make them too obscene and get yourself banned.
2) YOU MUST POST A VALID REASON WITH THE JOKE AS TO WHY U NEED THE EEPROM.
3) you hav 12 hours from this point
bribes accpted
Post by: Carbon on July 01, 2003, 03:01:00 AM
found a cat. She asked him if it was dead or
alive. "Dead." She was informed. "How do you
know?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed
in its ear and it didn't move," answered the
child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher
exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained
the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and
it didn't move.
==========================================
A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later.... "Da-ad...." "What? "I'm
thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes
later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY.
Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO!"
If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five
minutes later...... "Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring
a drink of water?"
==========================================
A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in
Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class
section and sits down. The flight attendant watches
her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells
the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will
have to sit in the back. The blonde replies, "I'm
blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm
staying right here." The flight attendant goes into
the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that
there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that
belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to
explain that because she only paid for Economy she
will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde
replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to
Montreal and I'm staying right here."
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should
have the police waiting when they land to arrest this
blonde woman that won't listen to reason.
The pilot says, "I'll handle this. I'm married to a
blonde. I have learned to speak 'blonde."
He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and
without question she gets up and moves back to her seat
in the Economy section. The flight attendant and co-pilot
are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move
without any fuss.
"I told her First Class isn't going to Montreal."
An exasperated mother, whose son was always
getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How
do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought
it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out
and in and out and keep slamming the door until
St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come
in or stay out!'
==========================================
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm
a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was
about to turn off the light when he asked with
a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep
with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave
him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said.
"I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence
was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy."
==========================================
When I was six months pregnant with my third
child, my three year old came into the room when
I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied,
"Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing
in her tummy" "I know," she replied, but what's
growing in your butt?"
==========================================
One day the first grade teacher was reading
the story of Chicken Little to her class. She
came to the part of the story where Chicken Little
tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and
so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said,
"The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The
teacher paused then asked the class, "And what
do you think that farmer said?" One little girl
raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Oh
****! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable
to teach for the next 10 minutes.
2) Was playing a backup of Wolfenstein, accidently forgot I wasn't playing the physical game. What do you know? Banned
Post by: The Juggler on July 01, 2003, 03:26:00 AM
-because it was dead.
Reason: Let's face it... I f'ked up.
Post by: chilin_dude on July 01, 2003, 07:38:00 AM
i need one because i am a idiot that turned the xbox on with mod on to go on xbox live....
at least i'm honest with no bullshit reply...pick me please!
Post by: Achtung on July 01, 2003, 09:31:00 AM
Curmet the Frogs Finger.
Thank you Goodnight.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2- Like to have one extra just incase.
Post by: itzdoja on July 01, 2003, 09:33:00 AM
because im a retard !
reason - im retarded and i was high and playing pso offline and decided to go online and play
Post by: Mechazilla on July 01, 2003, 09:47:00 AM
A baby seal walks into a club...it dies.
Post by: XbOxGoD on July 01, 2003, 11:10:00 AM
| QUOTE (Mechazilla @ Jul 1 2003, 05:47 PM) |
| An Animal Walks Into a Bar Joke. A baby seal walks into a club...it dies. |
retard.
mechzilla is officially disqualified
Post by: lili on July 01, 2003, 11:36:00 AM
Please see my signature's left side.
This Kanji has X in the box.
All Kanji has a own meaning. Do you know this one means?
This means "Ill luck."
My XBOX became ill, and lost ability to connect to XBL.
There is no reason that someone give me a new eeprom.
Maybe, today is April Fool's Day.
Well, if today is 4/1, I can go XBL 'cause I wasn't banned yet.
Post by: lili on July 01, 2003, 11:40:00 AM
| QUOTE (itzdoja @ Jul 1 2003, 06:33 PM) |
| reason - im retarded and i was high and playing pso offline and decided to go online and play |
I did too. haha.
Post by: Mechazilla on July 01, 2003, 11:53:00 AM
Post by: lili on July 01, 2003, 11:57:00 AM
Selling XBOX console doesn't fill M$'s bank.
Banned people will buy XBOX consoles.
But will not buy new games because they have a games and games on modded console's HDD is still playable.
So, boycott M$ is not good for us. Buy only XBOX console!
Finally, they stop banning.
Post by: CASTOR_TROY on July 01, 2003, 03:25:00 PM
| QUOTE (Nathan561 @ Jul 1 2003, 09:32 PM) |
| All time classic.. this is the mother of all jokes: Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side You mayaswell just give me the eeprom now  |
GREATNESS
Post by: Carbon on July 01, 2003, 03:37:00 PM
They dont fucking listen.
Post by: brass monkey2 on July 01, 2003, 04:07:00 PM
One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years sees an unusual speck on the horizon.
"It's certainly not a ship", he thinks to himself.
As the speck gets closer and closer he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.
Suddenly, emerging from the surf, comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She approaches the stunned guy and says, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
"Ten years," replies the stunned man.
With that she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!!"
"And how long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?" she asks him.
Trembling the castaway replies,
"Ten years."
She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him.
He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, "WOW, that's absolutely fantastic!"
At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man seductively,
and asks, "And how long has it been since you've played around?"
With tears in his eyes, the guy falls to his knees and sobs, "Oh good Lord! Don't tell me
you've got golf clubs in there too?"
2)
Is It Better To Be a Jock or a Nerd?
$ Michael Jordan having "retired," with $40 million in endorsements, makes $178,100 a day, working or not.
$ If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
$ If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there.
$ If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it.
$ He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage.
$ He'll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.
$ If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.
$ If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.
$ He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.
$ Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into a tax deferred account (401k), his contributions will hit the federal cap of $9500 at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st.
$ If you were given a penny for every 10 dollars he made, you 'd be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.
$ He'll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics, and about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.
$ While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he'll pull in about $5600.
$ This year, he'll make more than twice as much as all U.S. past presidents for all of their terms combined.
Amazing isn't it? However...
$ If Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 450 years, he'll still have less than Bill Gates has today.
$$$ Game over.
____________________________________________________-
i was a beta tester and the first week it was released to the world i stupidly played a game with live with the chip on. it has being almost a year and i got nothing out of my subscription.
Post by: XbOxGoD on July 01, 2003, 04:08:00 PM
new rules.
1) no racism.
2) nothing offensive
i'm looking for a clean laugh, it doesn't have to be offensive to be a joke guys.
i'll give another 12 hours now to get your jokes in. and the 3 funniest jokes, WITH A VALID REASON FOR NEEDING A EEPROM. will get an unbanned eeprom
Post by: brass monkey2 on July 01, 2003, 04:17:00 PM
She replied, "Happy Butt."
The teacher said, "Honey I don't think that's your name. You need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out."
So she went to the principal's office and he asked, "What's your name?"
And the little girl said, "Happy Butt."
The principal called the girl's mother to get this straightened out once and for all.
After getting off the phone, he looked at the little girl and said, "Honey, your name is Gladys, not Happy Butt."
The girl then exclaimed, "Glad Ass, Happy Butt, what's the difference?"
______________________________
same reason
Post by: Perplexer on July 01, 2003, 05:20:00 PM
Post by: Perplexer on July 01, 2003, 05:25:00 PM
Post by: lili on July 01, 2003, 05:53:00 PM
1. Because I don't have enough money to buy a XBOX.
If I can't get it, I have to do illegal way to get money.
And it will be failed.
This may causes fatal damage to me and my families.
Dad will lose his job.
Mom may be ignored by neighbors.
My little sister may be bullied at school and have to walk a not good way.
2. I can talk with my darlin only on XBL.
If I can't access XBL, My darlin will think he lost my love.
I don't have any contact ways. So I will lose the chance of marriage.
Finally, I have to live alone lifetime.
eeprom is really important for my life.
This is the reason why I need it.
Post by: hedbig on July 01, 2003, 06:36:00 PM
i need an eeprom because drugs (not weed, weed is not a drug) and live dont mix
Post by: ArMaGeDdOn on July 01, 2003, 08:15:00 PM
| QUOTE (lili @ Jul 1 2003, 07:57 PM) |
| M$ will stop banning from XBL. Selling XBOX console doesn't fill M$'s bank. Banned people will buy XBOX consoles. But will not buy new games because they have a games and games on modded console's HDD is still playable. So, boycott M$ is not good for us. Buy only XBOX console! Finally, they stop banning. |
are you a girl?
Post by: lili on July 01, 2003, 08:38:00 PM
| QUOTE (ArMaGeDdOn @ Jul 2 2003, 01:15 PM) |
| are you a girl? |
If so, that has any meaning?
Post by: ArMaGeDdOn on July 01, 2003, 10:23:00 PM
...girls are a rare species...
Post by: lili on July 02, 2003, 12:00:00 AM
| QUOTE (ArMaGeDdOn @ Jul 2 2003, 03:23 PM) |
| well, if you are, that's 2 of you i've found so far..... ...girls are a rare species... |
Some of my friends on XBL are really girls too.
May be more girls here(X-S) too, I think.
Well, my existence is funny in this thread?
Post by: Carbon on July 02, 2003, 12:04:00 AM
Basically they are taking jokes and seriously screwing them up! Best laugh I've had all day!
Examples:
"Q: What's the worst part about fucking a five-year old girl?
A: Jesus Christ, you disgusting, perverted asshole. EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING is the worst part. It's horribly wrong and nowhere near funny, and I should report you to the cops for even JOKING about that shit. God, that's horrible. "
"These two guys walk into a bar. One looks to the other and says "hey, want to have gay anal sex?" The other looks at him and replies "you bet I do!"
Absolutely hilarious, but I guess it depends on your sense of humor.
http://forums.someth...threadid=591669
Post by: ArMaGeDdOn on July 02, 2003, 12:46:00 AM
why would you even THINK about 'fuck' and '5 year old girl' i the same sentence?
my god you're sick....you're know what a 5 year old is? a little innoccent kid who knows nothing about your evil plot to rape and molest her.
you sick faggot.
Post by: XbOxGoD on July 02, 2003, 03:06:00 AM
Post by: XbOxGoD on July 02, 2003, 04:14:00 AM
Post by: qbanboy14 on July 02, 2003, 08:43:00 AM
Post by: XbOxGoD on July 02, 2003, 08:57:00 AM
| QUOTE (qbanboy14 @ Jul 2 2003, 04:43 PM) |
| why do you post so many jokes your are allow to post so many? |
well he did try, but they werwen't funny so he doesn't win a thing
Post by: lili on July 02, 2003, 09:23:00 AM
Post by: XbOxGoD on July 02, 2003, 10:02:00 AM
| QUOTE (Mechazilla @ Jul 2 2003, 05:53 PM) |
| leme try again. A baby seal walks into a bar...it dies. |
dumbass
Post by: yasman on July 02, 2003, 12:00:00 PM
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating.
I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel like coming in the next day. By then, I thought, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.
The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquisition was no problem, but one morning I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
"Ed!! The garbage disposal is dead. Come and reset it for me." "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower (pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!" "I am scared!" she pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"
(Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take you a second." So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statement about how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence.
I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, without any respect to my circumstances. Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth.
It was our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and had stalked me as I took the bait under the sink. At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.
I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, while rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. Fleeing straight up, the sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried to conduct their work while suppressing hysterical laughter. Back at the office, my colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about. "What's the matter, cat got your tongue?"
IF THEY HAD ONLY KNOWN !!
Why I should win. Because I did a noble thing by setting my 3 year daughter up playing my Backup of Finding Nemo, only to come back and see here trying to get online in NBA 2k3.
What can I do, yell at me 3 year old? I told her that only daddy can play basketball.
Post by: XbOxGoD on July 02, 2003, 12:05:00 PM
JUDGING................
Post by: XbOxGoD on July 02, 2003, 12:10:00 PM
)each winner pm me with your email details and i'll get the eeproms to you
Post by: LumbraX on July 02, 2003, 01:48:00 PM
| QUOTE (XbOxGoD @ Jul 2 2003, 08:10 PM) |
| WINNERS: 1. brass monkey2 2. Keva 3. yasman (his joke wasn't funny, but i either think it's the funniest ever way to get band or the worst lie ever )each winner pm me with your email details and i'll get the eeproms to you |
grr dammit. i was just gonna post 2 =(
(beta tester banned when inserting final upgrade disc DAY 1)
Post by: lili on July 02, 2003, 11:02:00 PM
| QUOTE (XbOxGoD @ Jul 3 2003, 05:10 AM) |
| WINNERS: 1. brass monkey2 2. Keva 3. yasman |
Congratulations!
Post by: mrRobinson on July 03, 2003, 12:11:00 PM
| QUOTE (XbOxGoD @ Jul 2 2003, 04:10 PM) |
| WINNERS: 1. brass monkey2 2. Keva 3. yasman (his joke wasn't funny, but i either think it's the funniest ever way to get band or the worst lie ever )each winner pm me with your email details and i'll get the eeproms to you |
Not like you care... but i think your judging skills are excellent. and i laughed at yasman's story. Also was only one that was personal experience and not a "joke". Nice job.
Post by: Keva on July 07, 2003, 06:58:00 AM
| QUOTE (XbOxGoD @ Jul 2 2003, 08:10 PM) |
| WINNERS: 1. brass monkey2 2. Keva 3. yasman (his joke wasn't funny, but i either think it's the funniest ever way to get band or the worst lie ever )each winner pm me with your email details and i'll get the eeproms to you |
ive pmed you twice with no responce can you please check your pms?