Im sure we have all seen the same picture a thousand times. A mentally retarded boy is so happy to be running his little legs off. He makes his way as fast as he can down the track towards the finish line. Meanwhile someone takes a picture and puts it on the internet. It only takes one genius to find the picture and put this caption on it:
Now if you are like me you look at that picture and laugh your ass off. It isnt because you are mean and cruel. It isnt just because the mentally handicapped are a source of internet-nerd humour along with other politically-incorrect topics. It is because that statement couldnt be more true. Arguing on the internet makes any person look like a complete idiot. It is unavoidable. However, that doesnt stop anyone from doing it.
I know I frequently get sucked into fighting with people on many chat boards. The most common being subject being "Xecuter blow's the big bean". Each time I post, I KNOW that some jackass is going to try and call me an idiot or prove me wrong. It doesnt even matter what I am talking about. I could just say, I like this feature. It is fun, and there would be a 100 replies calling me a moron because there is another feature that is exactly the same but much better. In fact, when it comes to that topic, the feature I like is the worst and I must only like it because I am an idiot or just uneducated in the way of modchip greatness.
What can you say to that? You basically can sit there and have all these little 12 year old, know it all, cry-baby bitches cut you down
or you can try to defend yourself. Option 1 is unacceptable because you know that most of those people are losers who have nothing better to do than sit in front of their computer anxiously waiting for the next post. They get a rush from trying to be the first to respond no matter what the topic. If they have nothing to say, they just post some stupid smiley or LOL or something equally as pointless. These people are so desperate for contact they never leave the house and meet real people. Their only friends are online personalities who, in this case, are named after game characters.
Your other option is to give into the insanity and try to fight back. You will start off being polite and trying to defend your statement as logically as you possibly can. You will point out that you were not trying to put down any other games or people or system and only trying to state your enjoyment of the game. You will post that message feeling good about yourself because you have helped other people see things from your point of view
or so you thought.
Instead you will end up with even more flame mail. People will ignore your entire post and start arguments about completely unrelated things. They will misread something you wrote and then attack that so fiercely your head will spin. Plus you will get more mail calling you an ignorant, uneducated dumb-ass who should never show their face in public again. Oh yeah, you also suXXors and XYZ modchip rules all!
The problem with the internet, as I have said in the past, is that any inbred, dumb-ass and f**k-up can get access. Even schizophrenic, crack head, hobos can go to the nearest library and use the internet these days. People will search out whatever they were interested in at the moment. So if they like xbox modchips, they will go to an xbox modchip site or forum. If they like movies, they will check that out too. These people will make their way to the forum so that they can talk to other people who share their interest.
This all sounds sweet and good. Its like paradise, especially if your friends dont like talking about the things you do. The problem is that a majority of people dont know much of anything but they THINK that they do. These people will argue forever without ever really saying or proving anything. They will wear you down with their mind numbing tactics. They do this because they know that sooner or later you will just give up. They will ALWAYS outlast you because their computers are hooked up to an I.V. drip that they feed off of 24/7.
Go to any site and you will find this going on ALL THE TIME. We have written frequently about irrational fanboys and I have even mentioned dorks on the movie websites. However, it isnt just fanboys who are guilty of this. It is almost everybody. As long as they have a couple mongoloids agreeing with them, they feel they must be right. Surely, if a group of ignoramuses think its true, it must be so!
So I now present to you my own guide to why internet arguing is impossible.
First of all you have the obvious fanboys. No matter how logically you state your point, or how much facts you use to back that point up, they will never listen. Fanboys are the lepers of the internet and they should just be forced into their own forum colonies, away from the clean.
Then you have those people who will claim they are right because they have some kind of insider information. It is the urban myth of the internet. Instead of just backing up their claims with facts or well written arguments or even logic, they opt to give a mythological source. Many sites have even had these people writing in complaining about reviews of the XYZ modchip products. They claim that since they are the friend of the company in question they are right. If they arent a direct friend, or relative to the person in question, then they are the friend of a friend who is an insider. I have commented about this in my own fanboy articles. Like I said before, if all these people were telling the truth, then companies like Nintendo and MS hire about 10 million employees each, and make sure to run every decision and company policy by them all. They also encourage these decisions to be sent to everyone they know. This is bullshit.
If you ever come across anyone with this kind of crap story, then mock them until they piss their pants. Most of the time their information is bullshit and untrue. Other times it is mere speculation. Then there is the rare time that it is actually month old news that they are trying to pass off as insider knowledge. Using the XYZ modchip Fan Club losers as an example, why should we trust your opinion? Surely any friends or relatives will be biased and just assume that he is good and nice and talented. Every parent thinks their kid is an angel
even if he/she is a heroin-shooting baby murderer. So if you ARE an insider like you claim to be, then your opinion is biased and based on emotion instead of fact. Therefore your opinion is useless, so shut it.
Next up is the Cut and Paster as I like to call them. These are the people who all argue exactly the same. It makes no difference what you argue about, they will go on forever without actually saying anything. And all their arguments are alike. If it is about a certain movie, they will all claim:
That movie is stupid and boring. It has no plot and the character development is poor. Also the acting and writing is bad.
Or if you are talking about a certain videogame they will say:
That game is stupid and boring. It has no plot and the character development is poor. Also the cut-scenes and writing are bad.
Lets say you want to mix it up a bit and talk about a book or play:
That book/play is stupid and boring. It has no plot and the character development is poor. Also the editing and writing are bad.
Im sure you see a trend forming and can understand why I call them Cut and Pasters. They always say the same thing. Although, on the issue of videogames, sometimes they mix it up and say the textures are bad as well. Of course, the opposite of this is when they are talking about something they like. Then they do the exact same thing just make it the opposite. A good game sounds like this:
That game is fun and exciting! It has the best plot and character development! Also the cut-scenes and writing are excellent!
I recently got drawn into this debate once again on a videogame board just the other day. Someone dared to ask which Final Fantasy game is everybodys favourite. Of course, this always leads to much praise over Final Fantasy 7 and how it is the pinnacle of RPGs and nothing EVER will live up to it. The problem is that Final Fantasy 7 sucks. It was good at the time, but it isnt the best thing to happen to RPGs. Not by a long shot.
So, I decide to say that I dont really like FF7 and my personal favourite for the PSX is FF8. Since I have seen this topic enough times to know there will be fighting, I say why I like it.
After I typed that, I braced myself for the backlash. As expected, it wasnt long before I was bashed and flamed and called a moron. How dare I put down the almighty FF7? It was an outrage! Surely I dont know anything about character or plot development! Im sure some of you reading this are gnashing your teeth and agreeing with this. You are resisting the urge to write me hate mail right now. Too bad. I stand by my opinion of the game and dont care what anyone has to say. I dont bitch about people who say FF8 is boring despite my love of the game, so dont start crying.
The point is that every single person on the board used the Cut and Paste argument. It was practically word for word what I wrote above. After being insulted I tried to defend myself, which only caused more of an outcry. I was told I dont understand character development or plot at all. Hmmm
last I checked, I have an English degree and read hundreds of books. So I would hope I know a little bit about character development and plot, Ive studied it for years. Not to mention that I am arguing these points with kids who are mostly in high school, or just recently graduated.
I made the mistake of saying I wasnt going to argue with them because they all post the same cut and paste arguments. This led to rounds of me being called a hypocrite. I tried to point out that no matter how much I argue, they arent going to change their minds so there is no point. They have their own opinions and I have mine.
That brings me to my next trouble-maker. Ill call this type the Opinion Hog. This is the person who always defends everything they say by claiming it is their opinion. According to their own brand of logic, since it is their opinion it can never be wrong or insulted. Anyone who tries to change their opinion, or disagrees with it, is clearly wrong.
This pisses me off. I mean, you can have your opinion on something, but it doesnt logically follow that your opinion is fact. For example, just because you like Chris Tucker or Chris Rock movies, it doesnt mean they are good. Yet these Opinion Hogs say, I liked the movie, so in my OPINION it is a great movie. That is bullshit. People like websites devoted to sticking basketballs up your ass
it doesnt make it good. If Hitler went around saying this crap about his opinions, does that mean we should just say, OK, youre right! Good show. Tralala. Of course not! Just because you like something, it doesnt mean it is great or best ever. It just means you like it.
When the PS2 first came out I bought the RPG Summoner despite lukewarm (at best) reviews. I needed an RPG and that was the best one available at the time. The game sucked. The graphics were really bad, controls were sluggish and character animation was jerky. Also, the game had ridiculously long load times and buildings would literally just appear right in front of you due to a poor draw distance. Despite all these problems, I had fun with the game and played it for many hours. So then, because I enjoyed the game, does that automatically make it a GREAT game? No, of course not. It only means that I enjoyed a crappy game. I can admit it. The game sucked but I still enjoyed it. Jackie Chan movies usually suck but I like those to. Just because you like something it doesnt mean it is good or great.
More people need to face reality and just be honest with themselves. If a movie or game has problems
it has problems. Just because you can overlook or ignore those problems
it doesnt mean they dont exist. Yet these people have no real argument in their favour, so they fall back on the opinion argument because then they feel like they are legitimate. Everyone has different tastes and different opinions on everything. They cant all be right.
Related to the Opinion Hog is the Desperate Glory Hound. This is the person who will go onto a message board and post, OMG! I just played Game X for 800 hours and have already beaten it 93 times! It is so awesome! I cant believe reviewers only gave it 3 out of ten! I would have given it a 1,000 out of ten!!!! ROFLMAO!!!
To these people I love to just post all the problems with the game. These people obviously are full of shit. If they enjoy the game as much as they want us to believe, then they wouldnt stop playing every ten minutes to post this shit. Seriously. I have seen people even post crap like, OMFG!!! I just pulled off 20 Supreme Combos in DMC2! This game rocks! These posts usually end up turning into the whole opinion game. Also, these posts and topics are most common within seconds after a much-hyped game ends up bombing and getting horrible scores.
Finally, you end up with those forum dorks who know they dont have anything at all to back up what they say. You can easily spot these losers in one of two ways. The first method is to ask yourself, Did they comment on what I said, or did they see the topic title and rant for an hour about that? If it is obvious that they ignored your post and they wrote ten pages about why they disagree with the title
then you know they are idiots.
The second version of this person is much more common. It is the person who will pick one little word or sentence out of your post, blow it out of proportion, misinterpret it and then tear it up. It is kind of a Peewee Herman logic here. You know, the whole, If you like it then why dont you marry it kind of mentality. To that I just say, Why dont you shut the f**k up Asshat.
No matter what you try and say, they will always twist your words around JUST to find something to argue about. If you were arguing about gravity and said Gravity pulls you down then they would go off on the semantics of what down truly means and so on. Or they will just write you off as being uneducated and not being able to appreciate the subtlety of his/her point.
These are all the reasons why arguing on the internet is impossible to do successfully. It is rare for an intellectual conversation about anything to happen on chat boards. You can guarantee one or more of the above will come in and turn your discussion into a bitch fest. What is worse is that you cant get rid of them. You might try and fight them off with facts, evidence or logic, but none of it will take. The reason for this is because THEIR arguments dont rely on reasoning at all. That is why they try so hard to change the subject or defend their opinions or bend your words around.
It is always best to just walk away once this happens. Make your point, if you want, then just leave it at that. If they flame you then that is too bad for them. Remember, Einstein tried to warn the US about Atomic bomb theory and he was just laughed at. He didnt make a retard out of himself just to prove he was right. So, not to pick on the handicapped, I am going to end with a joke. It is offensive so I apologize in advance.
Q: What is better than getting gold in the Special Olympics?
A: Not being retarded.
In other words, you can have debates on the net and NOT be retarded. If people start doing what I listed then walk away. Just think that these are probably the exact same people who used to think New Kids on the Block were the best band ever. Or who would wear No Fear clothing every day and even stick No Fear logos on their vehicles. Those people too argued that they had their opinions. Where are they now I wonder?
