Based on the description of the connectivity kit, it seems like you would want to purchase the Ultimate ($37.99) one, since you want to use it for future consoles; plus you might not know the your friends driver versions. In other words, since you don't know the driver's version of any of the drives you may flash in the future, purchasing the kit that covers all version seem like the best choice.
Also, if you plan on using your laptop to flash the drive, I would check to make sure that it is possible (If SATA adapters/pcmia cards work or not).
As for you first question:
1. You will need to find the software necessary to flash the drive such as NandPro.
2. If you are using Windows 64 bit, then you might have some issues installing port95nt.exe which is needed to get NandPro working.
3. Need wire cutter/stripper to strip the wire, but you only need to strip the wire by 1 or 2 mm before soldering.
4. A 15 watt soldering iron is powerful enough to solder the wires.
5. While flux my not be necessary, I strongly suggest buying "copper de-soldering braids" B/c if you get cold solder joints NandPro may not recognize the flasher. Then you will have to go back and desolder/clean-up/ and re-solder the wires.
Overall, try to find some reviews about the site you are purchasing this stuff from and see if you can both positive and negative reviews/complaints.