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[desertboy]

One a week until they're gone best joke of the week wins I've got 3 eeproms up for grabs none of them tried but all of them extracted (By me) from virgin xbox's before I reflashed the TSOP's. (I then reprogrammed their eeproms to a known banned eeprom.

Before anyone gives me stick the owners of the xbox's where told I was going to harvest their eeproms before I flashed their boxes.

Let's start the ball rolling

The miracle birth

A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.

The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."

"Do you think it will work?" she asks.

"It's worth a try." he says.

So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.

After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this.".

"What?" asks the priest, "what happened?".

"You gave birth to a child!".

"But that's impossible!" says the priest.

"I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "it's a miracle! Here's your baby."

About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father."

The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?"

The priest replies, "I am your mother. The archbishop is your father.".

[desertboy]

Is it just FuckMS that's after one or is it that the rest of you are just plain unfunny.




Are the pilots flying blind?

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.

The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.

At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.

The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.

Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.

When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!"

[MeNaCe911]

heres mine...
Wolly Bully--------
A ventriloquist is visiting an indian reservation and decides to have a little fun with the chief. "hey there" he says "i bet i can make your horse talk." "horse no talk" says the cheif. "well see" says the ventriloquist. he turns to the horse and ask, "so how does your master treat you?" "pretty well," says the horse. "he gives me plenty of food and water, and he lets me run all over." "i bet i can make your dog talk too." "dog no talk" says the chief. "how about you?" says the ventriloquist. "is he good to you too?" "yup" says the dog. "we play fetch." "lets see what the sheep has to say," "wait!" says the cheif. "SHEEP LIE! SHEEP LIE!"

lol

[Azazel]

QUOTE (MeNaCe911 @ Jul 25 2003, 12:24 AM)

heres mine... Wolly Bully-------- A ventriloquist is visiting an indian reservation and decides to have a little fun with the chief. "hey there" he says "i bet i can make your horse talk." "horse no talk" says the cheif. "well see" says the ventriloquist. he turns to the horse and ask, "so how does your master treat you?" "pretty well," says the horse. "he gives me plenty of food and water, and he lets me run all over." "i bet i can make your dog talk too." "dog no talk" says the chief. "how about you?" says the ventriloquist. "is he good to you too?" "yup" says the dog. "we play fetch." "lets see what the sheep has to say," "wait!" says the cheif. "SHEEP LIE! SHEEP LIE!" lol

HAHAHAHA, thats the best ive heard in a long time!


ROTFLMAO

[desertboy]

Not funny or just no need for eeproms

[mrRobinson]

Here ya go:

Q: What are the ingredients for the new, improved Clinton stew?

A: One wiener, one tongue, one cooked goose, lots of spilled beans and hot water.

That's gotta be a winner.

[* illusion *]

Eddie went shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally found one for a great price, but it was missing a seal, so whenever it rains, he would have to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should''ve been.
His girlfriend was having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He rode his new bike to her house, where she was outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don''t say a word." She told him, "Our family had a fight awhile ago about doing dishes. We haven''t done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."

Steve sat down for dinner and it was just how she described it. Dishes were piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody was saying a word. So Steve decided to have a little fun. He grabbed his girlfriend, threw her on the table, and had sex with her in front of her parents. His girlfriend was a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sat back down, but no one said a word.

A few minutes later he grabbed her mom, threw her on the table, and did a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend was furious, her dad was boiling, and her mother was a little happier. But still there was complete silence at the table.

All of a sudden there was a loud clap of thunder, and it started to rain. Steve remembered his motorcycle. He jumped up and grabbed his jar of Vaseline. When he witnesses this, his girlfriend''s father backed away from the table and screamed, "Okay, enough already, I''ll do the goddam dishes!"

[Dan203]

What has two legs and bleeds profusely?
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Half of a cat.

Dan

(disclaimer: no animals were harmed in the posting of this joke)

[Carbon]

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

----------------------------------------------

"A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.

"He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: 'Wow that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.'

"The man then replies: 'Yeah, well, we were married 35 years.'"

-----------------------------------------------

"Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, 'I slept with your mother!'

"The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other guy will do.

"The first again yells, 'I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!'

"The other says: 'Go home dad, you're drunk.'"

[da_shiznit]

(not a racist)
Whats a black girl with braces??
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A black and decker pecker wrecker

[Pentium]

here's a good one

Q: Whats the definition of a 2003 virgin??
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A: An ugly 3rd grader

i heard it today made me laugh

[desertboy]

Some good entries here I don't really know which one is funniest but only a day to go and I'll have my first winner. Defintely got another 2 eeprom to go after this one might well have another 3 to give away (Oh how I love reflashing TSOP's)

Q: what do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
A: a quarter pounder with cheese!
 
Q: How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
A: Stick a javelin thru it's head.

Q: Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?
A: Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
 
Q: What is the politically correct name for Lesbian?
A: "Vagitarian"
 
Q: How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, but it takes 15 to write a paper entitled "coping with darkness

[desertboy]

QUOTE (woly @ Jul 30 2003, 02:30 AM)

A lady went to the check out at a grocery store and bought 1 pack of spaghetti 1 can of tamatos 1 can of coke 1 frozen chicken 1 chocalate bar 1 packet of beans 1 icey poll 1 clove of garlic 1 cantaloupe 1 pack of noodles The guy at the check out said "I can tell your single" and she said "How can you tell?" and he said "Because your ugly" ------- Please give me an eeprom i got banned months ago :/

We have a winner, Check your PM woly.


Don't forget still another 2 eeproms to go best one between now and next thursday wins another one.

[AnThRaX]

[desertboy]

QUOTE (AnThRaX @ Jul 31 2003, 11:30 AM)

Its my 400th post come on, give a man a break. My joke: I fell on my nutz

Well my decision is final and woly win's my 1st eeprom but I have another 2 (Maybe 4) to give away and not that many jokes were posted in the last week so if you post a couple of good jokes you stand a very good chance of winning. Congrats on your 400th post but that's not going to get you an eeprom on it's own. Post more good jokes and I might give you an eeprom out of pity.