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[Sawman]

Q: How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
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A: Hey wanna go play baseball?

[Sawman]

Making a Confession  

A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church, sat down in the Confessional and said nothing.
The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting.
The priest coughs to attract the drunk man's attention, but still the man says nothing.
The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
Finally the drunk replies, ''No use knockin,' pal. There's no paper."  

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Language Barriers  

An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York with 2000 Japanese yen and walked out with $72.
The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was handed $66. He asked the teller why he got less money than the previous week.

The teller said, "Fluctuations."

The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, "Fluc you Amelicans, too!"

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It Ain't Margarita  

What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy?
A Dry Martinez!  

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Annoying Boy on Bus  

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!''

The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''

[desertboy]

QUOTE (.:*Ō*:. @ Aug 3 2003, 10:42 PM)

....did we win or loose?

Woly won the 1st one, next winner will be this thursday. I should just mention that the eeproms have come from 1.1's & 1.3's (I don't use live so I haven't got a clue if this would make any difference) The xbox's (Which I harvested the eeproms from ) were then reprogrammed with banned eeproms from the same version xbox's.

If it matters which eeprom you flash to the xbox then you best start adding your xbox version numbers. (I gave away a 1.1 eeprom from a pal xbox which someone flashed to a 1.1 ntsc xbox and that worked fine)

PS. Woly you have a 1.1 eeprom that I sent you.

PPS I set no limit on the ammount of times you can enter e.g. if you want to post 20 funny jokes in this thread you are 20 times more likely to win an eeprom.


I'll put the dates down for each winner (4 more eeproms to go, although with reflashing a box a week at the mo. might have a lot more will continue until there are no more eeproms)
07/08/03
14/08/03
21/08/03
28/08/03

All eeproms are pal, dates are in english form.

[SniperKilla]

A little girl was walking down the street one day and she passed a little boy. He said "I'll give you a dollar to climb that apple tree." So she did. So as she was climbing the little boy looked up her dress. They did the same thing the next day. Then one day she climbed the tree and the little boy looked up her dress and passed out. One of the little girl's friends came walking by and asked what was wrong with the little boy. She said "Well' for 3 days he has been paying me to climb the tree so he could look up my dress. So today I didn't wear panties"

[.:**:.]

(You can see my xbox ver. on my sig)

The blonde reported for her university final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet-Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour. But I'm rechecking my answers.

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A secretary, a paralegal and a partner in a city law firm are walking through a park on their way to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the secretary. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world. Poof! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the paralegal. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.

"You're next," the Genie says to the partner. The partner says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."


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The drunk pumpkin


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[.:**:.]

Things to do at Wal-Mart



1. Get boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "I think we have a Code 3 in house-wares," and see what happens.

5. Put M&M's on lay away.

6. Move "CAUTION WET FLOOR" signs to carpeted areas.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask "WHY won't you people leave me ALONE?"

9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

11. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible".

12. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say "PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again".

14. Go into the fitting room and yell real loud "HEY, WE'RE OUT OF TOILET PAPER IN HERE!"


......I'm running out of jokes.

[shavedrat]

oy
i dont care about eeproms, and this isnt even really funny, but oh well.
http://asdfg.mine.nu...l/pics/189.html

[.:**:.]

QUOTE (wazzupbe1 @ Aug 4 2003, 08:14 AM)

Q: whats the difference between a computer and a woman A: woman doesnt accept a 3.5 inch floppy. A man was stuck in a jungle in china. He found this huge mansion in the middle of no where. He rang the dorbell and asked if he could stay for the night and eat there food. An old man answered the door and said of course you can stay, under 1 stipulation, you can not fool around with my grandoughter, and if you do, you will have to go through 3 chinesse torcher tests. The man takes a shower and comes down for dinner and sees the old man's grandoughter (a knock out babe) and gets these wild ideas. Then later that night, he and the grandoughter have sex and try not to wake up the old man. The young man goes to sleep thinking the old man didnt know about them having sex. He wakes up that morning to find a 100 pound rock on his chest, and on the rock is written "chinesse torcher test #1: 100 pound rock on chest." So he throws that rock out of out the window and reads on the other side of the rock "Chinesse torcher test #2: 100 pound rock tied to left testical." So the man jumps out of the window to save his testical and reads on the side of the house, "Chinesse torcher test #3: right testical tied to bed post." RIP

         

[Asmodeus]

I'd be amazed if that is not deleted.....WOW!

Anyhow....my girlfriend sent me this a few seconds ago.


   "Great Date"


One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. After kissing each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would you give me a blow job?"

Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!" "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"

 "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught "Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!" "No way. It's just too risky!" "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"

   "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!" "Oh yes you can. Please?"

"No, no. I just can't" "I'm begging you ...

   Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says, "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job, or I can do it. Or if need be, Mom says she can come down herself and do it. But for God's sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom."

[Asmodeus]

[desertboy]

QUOTE (SrPhatnutZ @ Aug 5 2003, 05:55 AM)

I hope this one doesn't get deleted - not a racist but this joke is so damn offensive it just has to be heard. What do you say to a black jew? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Get to the back of the oven!

Heh heh, that's pretty funny

[Voltron]

Whats the difference between an orange?
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a horse dosn't have handle bars!

[Videogamebuyer14]

QUOTE (Asmodeus @ Aug 5 2003, 07:20 AM)

I'd be amazed if that is not deleted.....WOW! Anyhow....my girlfriend sent me this a few seconds ago.    "Great Date" One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. After kissing each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would you give me a blow job?" Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!" "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"  "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught "Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!" "No way. It's just too risky!" "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"    "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!" "Oh yes you can. Please?" "No, no. I just can't" "I'm begging you ...    Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says, "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job, or I can do it. Or if need be, Mom says she can come down herself and do it. But for God's sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom."

LMAO!      

[SniperKilla]

[SniperKilla]

A blond gets on a plane and goes up to first-class. The flight attendant tells her that she will have to move back; her ticket is not for first class. The blond says, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to California." The main flight attendant is brought in and explains that she will have to move. The blond says, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to California." The attendants tell the pilot. He comes in and looks the situation over. He leans over and whispers something to the blond and she gets up immediately and moves out of first class. The attendants are flabbergasted, "What did you say to her?" "I just told her that this section of the plane doesn't go to California."