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[spIdeZ]

Two old drunks were lapping them up at a bar.

The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with both hands.
By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard.

"By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week,
and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand."

"So", says the second drunk, "What's your point?"

"Well", says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"

[Ravenous2000]

 

[MeNaCe911]

i thought my joke was funny lol

[kdoggg710]

Here goes nothing....hope I win.

What do you call a blonde standing on her head?

A brunette with bad breath

hehe my gf get so pissed when I do blonde jokes...I know quite a few.

[kdoggg710]

If the last one doesn't get it try this.

Why don't witches wear panties?

Better grip on the broom

[desertboy]

QUOTE (kdoggg710 @ Aug 1 2003, 09:24 PM)

Here goes nothing....hope I win. What do you call a blonde standing on her head? A brunette with bad breath hehe my gf get so pissed when I do blonde jokes...I know quite a few.

My girlfriend's blonde so we like blonde jokes so I can piss her off.

[.:**:.]

.

[brienj]

A man that had just moved into town was getting drunk one day at the bar and after awhile he got horny and asked for directions to the closest whorehouse.  He got the directions and left the bar to go get some.

He made a mistake and instead of going down 42nd street he ended up on 24th street, but the same street adress.  He walks up to the building and goes inside and doesn't realize it is a Podiatrist clinic.  He notices a bunch of nurses and thinks that this place is really cool and they must be kinky.

He tells the receptionist that he really needs to be taken care of as soon as possible and she tells him that they have an opening right away, just follow her.  She takes him into a room and tells him to go to the other side of the curtain and to stick it through the hole in the curtain and someone would be in shortly to help him.

The guy thinks it's pretty wierd, but goes ahead and gets behind the curtain and sticks his manhood through the hole.  A short time later a nurse walks in and screams, "That's NOT a foot!"

The man grumbles, "Damn, I didn't know this place had a minimum size."

[xbox_freak!!]

[.:**:.]

)

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

TRY #3 (I really need 1 ).

Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with the Doberman said to his friend, "Let's go over to that bar and get something to drink."

The guy with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."

The one with the Doberman said, "Just follow my lead." They walked over to the bar and the guy with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the bar.

The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed."

The man with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog."

The bouncer said, "A Doberman pinscher?"

The man said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."

The bouncer said, "OK then, come on in."

The buddy with the Chihuahua figured he'd try it too so he put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the bar. He knew his story would be a bit more unbelievable. Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."

The man with the Chihuahua said, "You don't understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog."

The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?"

The man with the Chihuahua said, "A Chihuahua?!? A Chihuahua?!?
They gave me a fuckin Chihuahua??

[elduderino1234]

you had me till you mispellled fuckin

[.:**:.]

QUOTE (elduderino1234 @ Aug 3 2003, 12:45 AM)

you had me till you mispellled fuckin

  You try spelling Chihuahua...

[.:**:.]

[wazzupbe1]

Q: whats the difference between a computer and a woman

A: woman doesnt accept a 3.5 inch floppy.

A man was stuck in a jungle in china. He found this huge mansion in the middle of no where. He rang the dorbell and asked if he could stay for the night and eat there food. An old man answered the door and said of course you can stay, under 1 stipulation, you can not fool around with my grandoughter, and if you do, you will have to go through 3 chinesse torcher tests.
The man takes a shower and comes down for dinner and sees the old man's grandoughter (a knock out babe) and gets these wild ideas. Then later that night, he and the grandoughter have sex and try not to wake up the old man. The young man goes to sleep thinking the old man didnt know about them having sex.
He wakes up that morning to find a 100 pound rock on his chest, and on the rock is written "chinesse torcher test #1: 100 pound rock on chest." So he throws that rock out of out the window and reads on the other side of the rock "Chinesse torcher test #2: 100 pound rock tied to left testical." So the man jumps out of the window to save his testical and reads on the side of the house, "Chinesse torcher test #3: right testical tied to bed post."
RIP

[SniperKilla]

A deaf mute walks into a pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty communicating with pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on the shelf. Frustrated, the deaf-mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter, and puts down a five-dollar bill next to it. The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf-mute, and then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket. Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language. "Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't bet."