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Author Topic: Elites And You  (Read 461 times)

br0w

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Elites And You
« on: July 17, 2005, 10:27:00 PM »

Elites are a strange race. Being that you only get to play as one elite (a mature one at that) during the entire “campaign” of halo 2, its hard to understand the real mindset of the majority of elites.

So first, let’s ask, what is an elite?

An elite is a tall brown creature standing at about 8 feet tall, has 4 jaws, 4 fingers, hooves, and makes funny noises. One thing that makes elites so unique is that they have 4 jaws. This makes the human environment kind of hard for elites to live in because:

a – there is not real bottom to their mouth, thus making it hard to drink liquids such as soups

and

b – it kinda look funny when an elite try’s to drink a normal can of soda/something.

So that’s why elites have been known amongst all races to be master sandwich makers. Sandwiches are much easier for elites to eat because they can chew them while holding them.

Ok, so they have 4 fingers. How does that make them special? Well, having 4 fingers makes it very hard to pick up normal objects. That’s why their battle rifle game is nice and fluffy, its hard for them to grip it, so its not really gross. So what you must understand is that its hard to communicate with 4 fingers. They cant write with a pencil, because they don’t have a index finger and a thumb, so they cant sign for anything, particularly the culinary utensils they order on a daily basis (elites like pampered chef). But one thing that they are good at is giving hugs. I can prove this math-a-matically too.

So, lets look at mister chief.

Mister chief is about 20% badass, 40%dumbass, and 40% armor. This leaves no room for hug-ability. Also, for being about as tall as elites, he has very small hands. So what we have here is about 30% hug-a-bility.

Now, lets look at an elite.

An elite is about 40% badass, 20% smiley, and 40% beefy. So this leaves a lot of room for hug-ability. Elites have big hands, and hugs are more effective if you have bigger hands. So what we have with an elite is 100% hug-ability.



So why do elites act so funny? Shouldn’t years of war and discipline turn them more into what you see brutes acting like? Of course not you silly kid!

You see, elites maturity decreases with age. Newborn elites are known to send their parents to their rooms. But elites as old as 50 have been known to laugh whenever in the earshot of the word poo. There are a few exceptions tho. Some elites have been known to do the exact opposite. But those elites aren’t very fun. So other elites tend to ignore them. But why do elites have the tendency to totally pwn you and squat in your face? Because elites know when to kick it. When the bullets start flying, elites get into the zone and start shooting you. Try sneaking around and watching elites sometimes, youll see what I mean.

So ending that, I hope I leave you with a bit more insight into the mind of an elite.

expect more later. trust me. lots more
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CamdogXIII

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Elites And You
« Reply #1 on: July 17, 2005, 11:34:00 PM »

wow, hope you had fun. now i might even play as an elite.
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br0w

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Elites And You
« Reply #2 on: July 17, 2005, 11:38:00 PM »

QUOTE(CamdogXIII @ Jul 18 2005, 07:45 AM)
wow, hope you had fun. now i might even play as an elite.
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CamdogXIII

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Elites And You
« Reply #3 on: July 17, 2005, 11:39:00 PM »

i would give any elite i saw a big ass hug, but.... um, they might rip my skull out and use it as a bowl for my blood, bwahahahahah
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br0w

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Elites And You
« Reply #4 on: July 17, 2005, 11:40:00 PM »

QUOTE(CamdogXIII @ Jul 18 2005, 07:50 AM)
i would give any elite i saw a big ass hug, but.... um, they might rip my skull out and use it as a bowl for my blood, bwahahahahah
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CamdogXIII

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Elites And You
« Reply #5 on: July 17, 2005, 11:41:00 PM »

well they are 40% badass, so, i dunno
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irishdrunk

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Elites And You
« Reply #6 on: July 17, 2005, 11:49:00 PM »

Do Elite's eat bacon...If they do I like them, if they don't...well that's no cool smile.gif

Plus that sucks that they can't drink well, they wouldn't like hanging out with me tongue.gif
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br0w

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Elites And You
« Reply #7 on: July 17, 2005, 11:58:00 PM »

well, yes, they eat sandwhiches with bacon all the time.


(and btw, what you read is whats pretty much left of a project a few freinds of mine and I were doing called elites with ADD. it actually goes beyond that, and we had a lot of halo 2 footage, but the guy we had doing the recording, his computer crashed and we lost all of the footage. it was so much, so the project is pretty much done. i wanted to get the monolauge {i didnt spell that right} out, becuase that was pretty much the main part)
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br0w

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Elites And You
« Reply #8 on: July 18, 2005, 08:44:00 AM »

maybe montel, not springer tho.  tongue.gif
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Advanc3d_T3ch

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Elites And You
« Reply #9 on: July 18, 2005, 11:50:00 AM »

bRow, are you on any drugs lately? Well since you are making up storys about elites being so 'hug-a-bility,' I decided to let you in the real world of Halo. And elite has a 1 out of a 100 % hugability rate, while the MC has 90 out of 100 % rate.

The reason for that is because and elite looks to me too hookery ( I didn't want to use the bad language so I use hookery instead). Who wants too hug a Hooker, while they  can hug master chief with his big abs, and more manly look.

I like your funny story and please dont stop telling them I just want to join in with you wtih the mc side. So yeah......... The only reason I could see in the elite to hug them is only by tea bagging them or squating them, when their dead to the ground and how when you kill an elite it makes that weird funny sound only makes me want to truly squat them.

To sum up a part of my story and elite has a ratio of 100/100 hump-a-bility.

And master chief has a ratio of 60/100 hump-a-bility.

More of my story will come in a later time. Thanks for shareing your elites experience brow!
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br0w

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Elites And You
« Reply #10 on: July 18, 2005, 12:04:00 PM »

good points! you are entitled to your opinion and i resepct that. but lets look at some facts:

mc is very skinny. he has lost a lot of wait since halo 1 and he looks scrawny. so whether or not MC has this new "hump-a-bility" factor, elites are much more huggable. they have much bigger bodys, thus why i have inserted the 40% beefy factor to elites.

also, elites are much better at teabagging. see, when MC crouches, he goes down on one knee, thus making it look like his back is thrown out. but when an elite crouches, they dont go on one knee, they just simply squat, thus making a more "tea-baggish" effect.

i can understand if you like spartans over elites. i personally play as a spartan in halo (im still an elite tho  wink.gif). but since elites have disbanded from the covies, im sure that the kids that like spartans and the kids that like elites can get along now.

(EDIT: also, i dont quite understand what you mean by hookery. i dont see elites as anywhere near anything that would make them a "hooker")
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BCfosheezy

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Elites And You
« Reply #11 on: July 18, 2005, 12:24:00 PM »

QUOTE(br0w @ Jul 18 2005, 02:15 PM)
good points! you are entitled to your opinion and i resepct that. but lets look at some facts:
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br0w

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Elites And You
« Reply #12 on: July 18, 2005, 12:26:00 PM »

QUOTE(BCfosheezy @ Jul 18 2005, 08:35 PM)
Cocaine's a hell of a drug.....
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BCfosheezy

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Elites And You
« Reply #13 on: July 18, 2005, 12:30:00 PM »

QUOTE(br0w @ Jul 18 2005, 02:37 PM)
nah, all of this is caused by caffine.
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br0w

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Elites And You
« Reply #14 on: July 18, 2005, 12:36:00 PM »

fine..

hi. my name is br0w, and i have a weird addiction to making random stories about elites.
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